Putting Yourself First

A friend, after several difficult setbacks followed by an extended period of self-improvement, finally came to a profound realization.

“My primary business in my life is taking care of me!” she declared.

That statement may, on the surface, sound appallingly selfish. But in truth, it’s admirable and wise.

You can never fully help another until you first take care of yourself.

Even if you have young kids, elderly parents, or an overgrown garden depending on you, you must put your oxygen mask on first to be in any condition to take care of them.

Civil rights activist and poet Audre Lordes once said, “I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.”

To which I would add, caring for myself is an act of self-respect, essential to living a quality life and the key to financial success.

It’s also a powerful antidote to codependence, a debilitating condition common among women.

Prioritizing your own interests and well-being reflects a genuine desire to be the best you can be, to live an authentic life, and to treat yourself and others lovingly.

Putting yourself first may seem self-centered. But as George Sands wrote: “Nothing resembles selfishness more closely than self-respect.”

Where do you need to put yourself first? Tell me about it in the comments below.

Comments & Feedback


Jazmin

July 17, 2024 AT 2:57PM

Barbara, I love what you write to us on your emails. So many times in my life I am in this financial spiral- where a book I read recently on mayan cosmology called “retrieval of the soul” shares: ” Sometimes we may need to visit the same pattern over and over throughout our lives, Be compassionate with yourself.” And so mine is finances. Yesterday you sent an email on Awakened Health Mastery and today you send this. I’m just so grateful to have found you. By the way I originally found you through my first ever mentor Sierra Bender. Sending much love and sweetness to your day mama Barbara!

Lisa

July 17, 2024 AT 3:58PM

I need to put myself first by asking if a contract is negotiable! My time is so precious and valuable, so I want to make sure the payment compensates that.

Also, someone wise taught me that the motivation behind codependency is usually selfish. You’re doing something from a place of wanting someone to love YOU – you’re not doing it because you love them.


Lisa Miners

July 29, 2024 AT 8:06AM

Ditto Lisa same here x


Sarah Lilly

July 18, 2024 AT 1:46AM

I want to put myself first with home educating my son, with my relationship with my partner, with having a home , living a fulfilling life and with my health.
Thank you Barbara, I too love your emails, they always hit the spot.

Lisa

July 19, 2024 AT 6:02PM

Sarah,

Is putting your son and partner first really putting yourself first and do they put you first, too? Will or do they help you pay household bills, debt or medical bills? I hope so.

Lisa

July 19, 2024 AT 7:37PM

Sarah,

In reality –

1)If you wanted to buy something for yourself, start a hobby, have coffee with a friend, would you be able to sometimes prioritize this and would you need to ask your partner for permission? Are you allowed to do this by yourself, or does he need to come to? Or do you want to make sure he always comes with you? Can he do things by himself? Does he need to ask for permission?

2) Is living on your partners income enough money? Are you able to sometimes go out together? Does going out together mean not being able to pay a bill or buy a loaf of bread? And is going out together only about eating food or dining?

3)Are you legally married? If you or partner decided to leave each other tomorrow, would you be financially, okay? Do you have any cash flow of your own or access to your own funds? This is prioritizing yourself first! Do you have a legal agreement set up so that your financially looked after he’s gone, or will you be left with absolutely nothing and a boat load of debt while he sails off into the sunset?

4)Is homeschooling your son really about what’s best for your son or about you wanting to stay at home? Are you really prioritizing him or you? Does he get opportunities to socialize with other children?

5)Do you expect your son to financially take care of you when you’re both older? Are you treating him like your future financial investment instead of doing your own financial investing? Are you really prioritizing him or yourself?

6) Is your partner flirtatious? Do you feel you can keep more of an eye on him while at home? Are you also partially in control of his business and bank account?

7) Do you have a hobby, interest or friend outside of your partner or child? Is this allowed and do you want this, or do you just sit next to them on the sofa every day? Does your partner often get bored of you rambling on? Does your partner have a moment to miss you? Do you have interesting, or spicy things about your day to talk about? Do you feel more “in control” of what’s going on by being at home all the time?

I don’t know you, so please don’t take offense from these questions. Taking a break from the rat race is excellent for your health, however I’ve seen it turn into something weird and codependent for some women.

Best,
Lisa

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