A long ago memory came to mind today. I was living in Kansas City, raising two little girls, running a thriving career counseling firm. Business was hopping, but I wasn’t happy. I was longing to live near water and write.
Huh??? I’d never written anything. And there was no water in KC (at least none that I’d want to live near!). Why would I give up a flourishing business, uproot my kids, leave behind a network of friends and reliable babysitters?
In work, as in life, there are only 2 games you can play. One is To Win. The other is Not To Lose.
Which one are you playing? (Be honest, now!)
In order Not to Lose, you must focus on playing it safe. That means looking good, staying comfortable, avoiding anything that could possibly be scary, awkward, embarrassing or (gasp!) lead to failure.
To Win, you must play full out. That means once you start, you just keep going as far as you can with all that you’ve got. And when you fall down, you get back up and keep going.
Problem is, it can be tough to tell which game you’re playing. There are times when I swear I’m giving my all, but later it hits me. I was fooling myself by holding back (even just a tiny bit means I’m playing it safe).
I devised the following list to help assess if you’re really playing to win. 5 Signs I’m Playing Full Out (check what applies to you).
Could this be you? You’ve read a ton about investing, attended some classes. You understand stocks, bonds, and the value of diversification. You own a few funds in your retirement account.
Still, you continue to ignore or neglect your money, even though you know better. Why?
Blame it on traditional financial education…where the emphasis is on filling your head with facts rather than fostering your courage to change.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been given the tools to boost Self-Efficacy, the most powerful predictor of financial well-being. (I didn’t think so.)
Those who have the most trouble thinking bigger are the ones who have to know exactly how they’re going do it. And if they can’t figure it out, they lower their sights.
I was in this category most of my life…until I interviewed six-figure women.
I learned from them a three-step plan.
The second step is where the power is. Commitment, like a magnet, attracts coincidences. I always say, once you commit to a goal, if you’re not experiencing coincidences, go back to the drawing board. You’re obviously not totally committed.
That’s the way it happened for me. In 2008, I decided to earn $125,000. When I told my now ex-husband, he burst out laughing. I did too. It sounded ridiculous coming from a chronic underearner.
I had no idea how I was going to do it. But as I learned from the women I was interviewing, I didn’t need to have a full blown plan in place.
I just needed to take advantage of synchronicities. Of course, coincidences always lay just outside our comfort zone.
Here is the real secret to success: let go of control and do what comes next, especially if you’re scared to death to do it.
What are you scared to death to do? Leave me a comment below!
There’s actually a positive side to being stuck at home. Personal savings have skyrocketed. But my guess is that when the pandemic passes, savings will plummet.
The fault may lie in our brains.
A recent study by Cornell University neuroscientists discovered that our brains are biased toward earning and against saving. Perhaps it’s the immediate gratification our paychecks offer while putting aside small amounts feels about as gratifying as watching grass grow.
“Fundamentally it comes down to this: saving is less valuable to our brains, which devote less attentional resources to it,” said the co-author Adam Anderson. “Our brains find saving more difficult to attend to.”
Yet fixating on earnings can be fool hardy. I call it the Illusion of Affluence. I see it all the time. Successful women spending too much, saving too little, plowing all profits back into their businesses or on classes for personal growth (deceptively calling it “an investment”).
Their ample earnings gives them the illusion, but not the security of true abundance. The real measure of wealth is your net worth…not what you earn but what you keep.
Do you know what today is? National Give Something Away Day. Which got me thinking about giving. We women have been groomed to be Givers. And Giving is good, right? Well, that depends…
There are two kinds of Giving. One empowers. The other weakens. The latter–which I call Giving ‘Til It Hurts—is what’s been expected of women for generations. Sacrifice ourselves for the sake of others.
Giving ‘Til It Hurts provides the illusion of being needed, important, powerful. But self-denial an abdication of power, leaving you exhausted, resentful and depressed, often crippling the receivers, robbing them of their self-esteem or sense of sovereignty.
I’m curious how many of you responded with a resounding YES! But I’m guessing many of you are either shaking your head ‘no’ or furrowing your brow, wondering if you are.
Let me clarify.
You are Financially Independent if you have enough to meet your needs and satisfy many (not necessarily all) of your wants…free from the stress of overdue bills and struggling to make ends meet.
“How can I SAVE money to create wealth (which means cutting back spending) and still have a feeling of ABUNDANCE (which means the desire to SPEND) and not a mentality of LACK?”
In her mind, spending provided the pretense of prosperity while saving felt like self-denial.
To someone with a wealthy mindset, saving means giving the money to yourself (not Visa or Starbucks) so that ultimately you can purchase whatever you please without pressure or worry.
The difference between the two mindsets is not deprivation but delayed gratification.
I remember, as I struggled to clean up my financial mess, my mentor, Karen McCall, saying to me, “It’s ok to have massages, but what if you had one a month instead of every week, and deposit what you would’ve paid into your savings?”
I followed her advice. And because I did, I gave my future self the gift of financial independence.
Financial independence is easier with support. Join my virtual community, The Wealth Connection today! Learn More.
| I had a rough few days.
As I watch the world implode, the virus surge, the markets plunge — my doctor tells me I need cataract surgery. Anything with the eyes terrifies me. My head fills with worse case scenarios. I fall into a very dark place, unable to find my way out. Then I remember what A Course in Miracles calls “the most important concept that exists in the universe—”the Law of Cause and Effect.” The Course explains this law very differently from the world’s more generally accepted Newtonian explanation. |
Am I the only one feeling this way?
Yes, the protests—peaceful or not—have led to incredible changes. Companies are hiring more blacks. Communities are implementing radical police reforms. The shares in black-owned businesses are soaring.
But to create true and lasting equality, we must look beyond the external. To change the collective, we need to transform the individual.
I say this from experience.
I came of age during Women’s Lib. Enraged by rampant discrimination, we took to the streets, burning our bras, demanding gender equality. And lo and behold, the workplace opened its doors, albeit a crack. The banks gave us credit cards without requiring a man’s signature.
