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Making Friends with Anxiety

I don’t know about you. But the moment I start something new, I’m filled with anxiety, a subtle sense of dread and danger.

Like now, trying to write my next book. My inner voice is relentless in its ruthlessness. “Don’t do this.” it shrieks. “Don’t you dare do this!”

I can’t say it’s debilitating. But like a barking dog late at night, I’d do anything to make it go away.

Sitting at my desk, staring at a blank page I had a sudden flashback to an interview I did during my days as a journalist. The interview was with the famed psychologist, Rollo May, author of The Meaning of Anxiety. I knew I needed to find those notes.

When I finally did, I had no doubt…this was a pep talk directly from the Divine, through Dr, May’s words.

“Anxiety is always triggered every time we face the possibility of fulfilling our potential,” Dr. May explained.

“If it were not some potentiality crying to be born, we would not experience anxiety,” he said. “Anxiety signals danger. Not a tangible danger. But a psychological threat…to our present security.”

If we try to escape this tension and fear through drugs and overwork or apathy and denial, anxiety becomes destructive. It leads to futility.

If, on the other hand, we feel and face our anxiety, enormous creativity is possible. Anxiety acts as a stimulus, he said. “It stimulates us to find new experiences, new ways of meeting problems.”

In fact, he insisted, “It is the ability to tolerate and push through anxiety that underlies every successful endeavor. All great things were done with anxiety.”

For example, May was 82 when I met with him. He’d written over 15 books and was dubbed “one of the superstars of psychology” by Time magazine.

Yet, he confessed, “Every time I write a book, I think my writing is terrible and I don’t know what I’m saying. But I keep writing anyway.”

This is exactly what I needed to hear. My goal is no longer to mute the fear, but to muster up the courage to keep moving forward, despite any apprehension.

Yes, my anxiety persists, but my commitment is stronger. I remind myself it’s a sign I’m going for Greatness.

Have you used anxiety to push yourself past your comfort zone? Were you surprised at the results? Leave a comment below.


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Humility or Self-Sabotage?

Decades ago, a coach gave me a powerful assignment.  It’s something I’ll never forget.

For 2 weeks, I was to simply observe my conversations, without changing a thing. Just notice what I talked about, the words I used, my typical reactions…you know, the stuff I was sharing with others.

What I saw was not pretty.

I had a habit of putting myself down…without even realizing it. I’d constantly dismiss my skills (“Oh, that’s no big thing”), deflect praise (“I thought I was awful”), and diminish my successes (“But I could’ve done so much better”).

What felt like humility was, in truth, an act of self-sabotage. Every word of self -depreciation put another dent in my self-esteem.

 “What you share you strengthen,” explains A Course in Miracles. I was strengthening my self-doubt while crushing my confidence.  No wonder I was struggling.

What about you? Could you be minimizing your achievements, underestimating your value, chipping away at your sense of worth?   I invite you to find out.

Spend a few weeks simply noticing what you talk about. Then ask yourself this question: Could I be undermining my success by what I’m sharing with others?

Leave me a comment below to tell me what you observed.


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Joint vs Separate Accounts

If you’re married, or about to be, I have a question for you.  Do you have money in your own name?

Even if you’re blissfully in love with each other, even if (s)he’s filthy rich or a financial genius, it’s critical to have your own economic identity a bank account and credit card in your own name.

In part, it’s a matter of self-protection. If anything happens to your Prince(ss) Charming, you could be in big trouble. Oh, the horror stories I’ve heard from women who couldn’t get credit or had all kinds of legal problems after losing a spouse through death or divorce because everything was listed under their spouse’s name.

Also, since money is the #1 source of marital spats, having separate accounts could minimize arguments. As Stephanie Sarkis pointed out in Psychology Today, “the less you argue about money, the closer you will feel to your partner.”

But there’s also a psychological component. A separate financial identity, even while maintaining shared accounts, makes a major personal statement. It has nothing to do with the relationship. It has everything to do with your self-concept and sense of autonomy.

Putting money in your name is about growing up, becoming an adult, claiming your sovereignty over your own life.

I’d love to hear if money is a source of strife or harmony in your relationship? Leave a comment below.


Are you in search of a safe place to talk money with other women? My brand new virtual community, The Wealth Connection, is that safe place. Click here for more info.

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A Reason to Worry….Or A Call to Action?

Even the wealthiest among us—those with earnings over $200,000 or a net worth over $3 million—still worry about money.

Their biggest fear: Inflation.

Inflation is, indeed, a ravenous creature that eats into our cash like a caterpillar on a leaf…slowly, methodically, little bits at a time.

For years, however, inflation has stayed quite low.  But that’s rapidly changing.  The Wall Street Journal just announced, “US inflation hit its highest rate in more than six years.” And inflation is expected to keep escalating.

Is it time to start worrying? Heavens NO!  The worst response to climbing costs (or most anything else for that matter) is to go into fear, which tends to have a paralyzing effect.

Instead, look at rising inflation as a resounding call to action…no matter how much or how little money you have.

The only way to counter the ravages of rising prices is to make sure at least some of your savings is working harder than it would in a bank. How? By investing in assets that grow faster than what inflation takes away.

Now is the time to make sure your money is well diversified. Here’s the standard rule of thumb for investing wisely:  

  • Money you need in the next three to five years–for emergencies, unexpected expenses, or short-term goals–should be in cash or cash equivalents like money market funds, CD’s, or short-term treasuries.
  • Money you’ll need in the next five to ten years should be in a mix of stocks and bonds.
  • Money you won’t need for ten or more years should be mostly in stocks and perhaps commodities and real estate.

You can’t eliminate inflation. But you can do a lot to protect yourself from it.

Tell me about your biggest money fear. Leave a comment below.


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I Really Want To…But I’m So Damn Scared!

dedicate this to the women in my ReWIRE Mentorship Program—and all of you—who are on the verge of taking a big leap.] 

Maybe you’re ready to open your own business. Or your gut’s saying ‘slow down, spend time in stillness.’ Or it’s become quite clear—you’ve got to start setting stronger boundaries.

You really want to take the next step. But you can’t. Fear, like a colossal boulder, stands in your way.

Of course you’re afraid. Fear is normal, inevitable, whenever you leave the comfort of the familiar and venture into the unknown.

The goal is not to eliminate fear. Because you can’t. The goal is to act in spite of it. 

The best advice I’ve ever read was in an interview with writer Ray Bradbury. “Just jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down,” he said, later adding, “If you’re too cautious, you’ll miss life.”

There’s no way around it. If you’re going for Greatness, there’s only one path: feel the fear, endure the discomfort, observe the resistance, and go for it anyway. (On the other side of fear you’ll find your power.)

But hear this! You don’t have to do it alone. The best antidote to fear, for us women, is surrounding yourself with a supportive community. 

That’s why I’m starting a brand new virtual community for financially aspiring women, The Wealth Connection. (Details coming soon! Get priority notification here.)

As high earner Karen Page once told me:“Success is a social activity.  You can’t do it alone. You just can’t.”  Amen to that!!!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on how a supportive community (of lack of one) has impacted you. Leave me a comment below.


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The Hidden Danger of High Earnings

I recently attended an event where I was surrounded by incredibly successful women.  Every participant earned a high six or seven figures…more than 90% of the population.  

But as our conversations went deeper, I noticed a disturbing theme. There’s a dark side to high earnings. Whopping wages can be deceptive and dangerous. I call it the Illusion of Affluence. 

I saw it at that conference. I see it repeatedly with clients. High earners spending too much, saving too little, or plowing all profits back into their business. Their ample earnings gives them the fantasy, but not the security, of affluence.  

Even if they can easily make a bundle whenever they want, high earners are as vulnerable to hard times and sudden change as anyone else.  

Absolutely, women making big money are to be applauded. But the real measure of success isn’t what comes to you…it’s what stays with you. In other words, your net worth—the sum total of what you own minus the sum total of what you owe.   

Very few high earners I meet have a net worth over a million dollars. Far fewer if the value of their home wasn’t counted. Fewer still could afford to stop working, even years down the road.  

If you’re a successful high earner, or on course to becoming one, ask yourself this question: Isn’t it time my money works as hard for me as I do for it?   

I promise, wealth building doesn’t need to be overwhelming or time consuming if you start following these 3 steps: 

  1. Delegate—find financial professionals to help you create a plan and keep you on track
  2. Automateevery month automatically have a specific sum of money transferred to a savings account and also your brokerage firm.
  3. Educateeveryday, read something about money (peruse the headlines of the business section of the paper or browse through a financial magazine). I call it the Osmosis School of Learning.  

All it takes is a few minutes of daily reading, the support of trusted advisors and the habit of consistent savings to become a truly affluent woman…regardless of how much (or how little) you earn.

Leave a comment below and tell me how you make your money work for you.


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The Miraculous Power of Taking Responsibility

I clearly remember when I was in the depth of despair, unable to restrain my gambling husband. He had depleted our bank account, putting me and our daughters at terrible risk.

I turned to A Course in Miracles for solace. Instead of the solace I sought, I opened to a passage that shook me to the core.

The Course told me, in no uncertain terms: “I am responsible for what I see. I choose the feelings I experience and I decide upon the goal I achieve. And everything else that seems to happen to me, I ask for and receive as I have asked.”  

In other words, the Course said, “You are doing this unto yourself.” Quite a harsh pill to swallow…even from my beloved Course.

At first I was furious. How dare anyone even suggest I’m responsible for my husband’s recklessness. He lost my money. Not me.

But as my anger subsided, those words—no one did this to me; I [was] doing it to myself—began to make sense. I finally understood what the Course promised—taking responsibility would be “my salvation.” 

This mess wasn’t solely my husband’s fault. I was as culpable as he. He may have gambled away my inheritance, but I was the one who gave him the keys to the kingdom by abdicating control.

Regardless of my husband’s actions, my choice to be a passive victim, was the real culprit. Once I realized my role in this disaster, once I started taking responsibility, everything changed rather quickly. 

Over time, I was able to not only forgive, but to actually thank my ex for losing my inheritance and my father for not bailing me out. After all, it was because of them that I discovered my calling.

Once I assumed personal responsibility, my passage to financial empowerment shifted into high gear. Sometimes, the best financial advice comes from the most unexpected sources.

I’d love to hear if miracles have occurred for you when you’ve taken responsibility…which isn’t always easy, is it? Share your story below.


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A Lesson in ReWIRING

I have always found myself yearning for more…more money, more success, more sales, more ­­­­______ (fill in the blank).

I proudly considered this constant yearning a healthy sign of a robust ambition—until I began studying neuroscience. Then I realized how truly unhealthy this kind of thinking actually is.

Here’s why. We literally sculpt our brain by what we dwell on. The more we think a thought or feel an emotion, the stronger that neuropathway becomes in our brain.

By constantly hungering for more, I was inadvertently telling my brain “I don’t have enough.”

The more I repeated that thought, the stronger the “not enough” neuropathway grew, until I’d unconsciously do things that kept reinforcing my experience of “not enough”.

Slowly it dawned on me. How can I expect more, if I repeatedly focus on what I had not yet attained?

Clearly, I needed to shift my focus to rewire my brain. So I decided to experiment. Every time I felt myself coveting anything, I stopped, took note and shifted into appreciation for what I currently had.

More money? I took a peek at my bank account, and gave thanks for the amount presently there. More success? I gratefully reviewed what I’d achieved up to now. The moment the thought creeps in, “but it’s not where I want to be…” I stop and refocus on how far I’ve come.

I invite you to join me. What if you shifted to gratitude for what you already have, rather than gazing into the future, longing for more? 

I’m not asking you to give up your desires.  But I am suggesting that you view your desires through the appreciative lens of how they’ve been at least partially fulfilled.

Then watch what happens. If your experience is like mine, you’re in for a few miracles!

Leave a comment below to let me know if practicing gratitude for what you already have creates miracles in your life.


Interested in learning more about reWIRING your brain? Click here for details on my 5-month reWIRE Mentorship group.

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Brilliant Idea for Raising $avvy Kid$

Pati Wolfgang sent me this story. It’s so good, I had to share. If you have kids, you’ve got to read this!

When my boys were tiny and we went in the store, I’d bring pencil and paper.

I’d also count the money in my wallet before going in to see how much treat money we had.

Later, I had them help count.

Then, when they saw things, they could see if that fit in their treat allowance. What was sweet, too, is plenty of times, one would give their funds to their brother. Or they’d pool together.

If it was more than the daily funds allowed, I would write down, with their help, what it was and what store it was in. That left them feeling heard. They knew what they wanted mattered, even if it couldn’t be bought that day.

They’d focus on reading the label to me, figuring out which store.  It was cute.

Then, once a week or so, we’d have a fun fund meeting and go over the list.  We’d talk about the extra “fun fund” we had that week.  I’d talk about how this week was more than last because…. etc. That helped them see, sometimes if the plumber came, we could still do something fun, but we toned it back a little.

They’d constantly say how it helped them to see how they could want something so much, then just a day or two later not want it any more.

They’re adults now. They love to save just as much as they love to treat themselves. They still share and pool funds.

Share below how you teach your kids about money.


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How the Wealthy Think…and You Can Too!

Q.  How can I SAVE money to create wealth (which means cutting back spending) and still have a feeling of ABUNDANCE, not a mentality of LACK (which means the desire to SPEND).  

A. Oh the devious ways we fool ourselves by how we choose to think.  

If you think like a Consumer, then cutting back spending to sock away savings will absolutely feel like scarcity or deprivation, while spending offers the pleasurable (but deceptive) pretense of abundance.   

When you think like a Wealth Builder, you understand that every cent you put in savings is money you’re giving to YOU (not Starbucks or MasterCard), so that ultimately you can purchase what you please without pressure or worry.  

To paraphrase the old saw, a Wealth Builder tells her money where to go. A Consumer wonders where it went.  

The difference between the two mindsets is not deprivation but delayed gratification. And it’s easy if you think small and automate.  Every month have some money, no matter how small, automatically transferred from your checking to your savings account. You don’t miss what you don’t see.   

What if there’s nothing to spare at month’s end? Try giving up something small, like a daily latte, and bank the savings. One woman funded her IRA with lose change from her purse, coins she found in pockets doing laundry, and cash from the coupons she redeemed at the market. 

I recommend two types of savings accounts. An Untouchable for emergencies and unexpected expenses.  And a Touchable for fun stuff, like a vacation or shoe sale—which keeps you from dipping into your emergency savings, yet not feeling deprived.  

Bottom line: Instant gratification is such a cruel illusion. I’ll never forget meeting an elderly woman who lamented: “I always got such joy from shopping. But now that I’m old and I look back on all the money I wasted, I wish to God I had saved more.” 

How do you balance feeling abundant with the discipline of spending less and saving more? Leave me a comment below.


Thank you, Tracy Beth & Maria Aum, for the Q.


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Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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