Talking to My Man About Money—Oy Vey!

Written by Barbara Huson

I remember when my now-husband & I were about to move in together. We’d been dating for 2 years. And I was struggling. At what point do we have THE TALK about money?

We each knew the other had no credit card debt. Beyond that, we kept tip-toeing around the topic.

It reminded me of a letter to Ann Landers from a woman who wanted to ask her boyfriend to help pay for her birth control, but didn’t feel she knew him well enough to ask!

I laughed when I read that. But here I was—a financial coach—doing the same!!! I just couldn’t bring myself to, as my friend Manisha Thakor titled her terrific book, Get Financially Naked with the man I loved. One day, I happened on an old journal from high school. I’d forgotten how I always wondered if people liked me for me or because my family was rich…how hard I tried to be like everyone else.

No wonder I was scared to expose myself financially. I was sure he’d reject or judge me harshly. With that realization, my resistance subsided.

Later that week, as we were finishing breakfast, without even thinking, I got up, retrieved my latest financial statements, pushed aside the dishes, spread out the papers, and said, “This is what I have.”

He listened, asked a few questions, then explained what was in his accounts. That was it…a non-event. But at the same time, it was clearly a turning point for us. I learned 3 important lessons that day:

The fear of doing is far worse than the actual doing! Afterwards, I wondered, “what was the big deal?”
Resistance dissolves when its root is revealed. The moment I realized my childhood fears were the culprit, those old demons didn’t seem so threatening.
Financial transparency is vital to intimacy and trust. “Otherwise,” as Manisha writes, “like termites eating away at the foundation of your relationship, little nagging doubts or questions about each other’s finances could end up destroying what is currently a beautiful life.”

I’d love to hear your experience talking finances with your partner. Leave me a comment below.

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What’s Anger Got to Do with It? Plenty!!

Written by Barbara Huson

Unexpressed anger is perhaps our biggest barrier to financial success.

We women tend to hold a lot of repressed anger, though few realize it. I’ve certainly experienced it in myself. I spot it in most women I coach.

Anger is a natural human emotion. Healthy when expressed in a timely manner. Toxic when regularly stuffed. Suppressed anger clogs up your thinking, drains your energy, weighs you down like a concrete block.

Yet for some, the mere thought of expressing anger feels frightening, if not forbidden.

So how do you release anger…safely and effectively? Here’s what worked for me.

Write an Angry Letter. Write it to another, your parents or ex-husband perhaps. Then write one to yourself. Write it by hand, not computer.

Even if you hardly feel any irritation initially, start listing what you might be annoyed at. Let yourself get into it. Liberate your fury, your rage, your frustration. Write until you’re done.

Fold up the letter and put it away. Within 3 days, reread it. Is there anything you want to add? If so, write more. Continue until you feel complete.

When you’re finally finished, burn the letter…ritualistically. As it burns, say to your anger: “Thank you. You served me once. I no longer need you. I release you. You are free. I am free.”

As one client told me after writing her letter: “At first it was scary. I felt really rageful. But I also felt a release that I had never felt before.”

What if you’ve done a gazillion anger exercises and damn it, you’re still angry? Ask yourself: What is my payoff for holding onto anger? Why don’t I want to let it go? Believe me, the anger is giving you something. But it’s nothing compared to the lightness you’ll feel once it’s lifted.

If you write (or have written) an Angry Letter, I’d love to hear how it was for you. And please share below any other ways you’ve successfully released anger.

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“Impossible” Simply Means “It’s Not a Priority”

Written by Barbara Huson

She, like so many others, made a decent salary, but could never get ahead.

“I cash my paycheck and before I know it, it’s gone,” she told me, hoping for advice.

“Why don’t you try paying yourself first?” I suggested. “Every time you get paid, right off the bat, put a portion in a savings account. Even a small amount is better than nothing.”

“That’s impossible,“ she said with a sigh of resignation. “I don’t make enough. There’s nothing left to save.”

That conversation occurred years ago. Imagine my surprise when she recently contacted me to let me know she followed my suggestion, never thinking it would actually work.

“I didn’t even wait until the end of the month to see how much was left after paying bills,” she said. “I paid me, then my bills, and anything left, was mine to spend.”

To her amazement, she never missed what she set aside. “Eventually,” she said, “I began putting some of what I would ordinarily spend into the savings account too.”

The act of savings had become a habit…a habit that changed the course of her life.

“Had I not had that kitty when I got divorced, I couldn’t have made it,” she told me. “I would have been in the poorhouse without it.”

Today, she told me proudly, she is quite well off… even though her paycheck still isn’t very big.

“I can’t believe how my savings has grown,” she said in amazement. “I can’t believe how much I have. And how much more in control I feel.”

She’d discovered the most powerful principle of wealth building: You don’t need a lot of money to create wealth. And the time to start saving is before you wish you had…when it feels impossible. The truth is: everything is possible once you make it a priority.

When it comes to money, what is your priority? Be brutally honest…I’d love to hear your answer. Leave me a comment below.

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The Inner Work of Wealth

Written by Barbara Huson

I was newly divorced, raising 3 daughters, when I got tax bills for over $1m. My ex was responsible, but he left the country…leaving me with very little in the bank. My father refused to lend me the money. I was angry & terrified, but had no choice. I had to get smart about money.

I tried going to classes, reading books, but nothing made sense. I felt immobilized. Nowhere in those books or classes could I find a solution for my paralysis.

So I took matters in my own hands. I stopped focusing on the practical mechanics of money and started plumbing the deepest recesses of my psyche. Writing in my journal proved profoundly revealing. But most of all, it was freeing.

I became aware of a familiar voice that kept telling me how stupid I was. Instead of ignoring it, letting it hold sway, as I usually did, I began a dialogue with that voice, asking it where it came from and what it wanted.

I remembered my father telling me, often and in no uncertain terms, that managing money was a man’s job. So of course, I was terrified that if I tried to take charge, I’d botch things up badly. I’d make mistakes, blow it all.

My inability to understand money was actually an act of self-protection.

“If we seek something we’re afraid of, attainment of it won’t be what you really want,” A Course in Miracles warned me.

Deep down I didn’t want to get smart. I didn’t want to take charge. I did not want to risk losing everything.

But once I understood my unconscious assumption (women are incapable of managing money) and its source (my father), I was able to discredit it. My paralysis disappeared. Learning about finances actually came quite easily.

The financial industry eschews the Inner Work of Wealth as “touchy feely.” But I’m here to tell you, financial success doesn’t come from what you do as much as it comes from how you think.

Or as author Clark Moustakas put it “When a person acts without knowledge of what (she) thinks, feels, needs or wants, (she) does not yet have the option of choosing to act differently.”

Until I was aware of my false beliefs, I was virtually unable to act differently.

What false beliefs about money are holding you back? Leave me a comment below.

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Fear is Good! Really!!!

Written by Barbara Huson

Inspired by those “Life is Good” t-shirts, I am launching a new campaign. And I invite you to join me. I’m calling it: Fear is Good.

As I see it, Fear has gotten a bum rap and a bad rep. Maybe it’s leftover from our Neanderthal heritage, when hungry predators were a constant threat.

But times have changed. And so has Fear’s function.

Problem is, few of us have figured that out. We feel the Fear, and instantly take flight. We don’t realize that, in modern times, fear is rarely a sign that our survival is being threatened.

Nowadays, the only survival being threatened is usually our egos. Fear has a new purpose—to warn us of approaching Greatness.

And as I’m discovering, we’re as afraid of our Greatness as our ancestors were of carnivorous beasts…maybe more.

So, I’m on a crusade to change that. Let it be known…Fear is the clearest signal we will get that we’re on the precipice of greater success, greater prosperity, greater happiness, greater impact.

Imagine if you finally realized that Fear is nothing to fear. As for my Fear is Good campaign, there’s only one requirement to become a member.

Every time you get scared, you shout, at the top of your lungs: “I go where I fear!” And off you go…in the direction of your fear, in the direction of your Greatness.

Fear is Good! Can I sign you up? Leave me a comment below.

What do Dollars & Donuts Have in Common?

Written by Barbara Huson

I’ve long noticed an interesting fact. Women who have problems with money often have problems with food.

Then I read Geneen Roth’s extraordinary book, Women, Food and God, a New York Time’s bestseller. I’ve never met Geneen personally. But I instantly knew she was a kindred spirit.

Geneen insists that food is never the problem. Just as I’ve always known problems with money are never about money.

Rather, says Geneen, overeating is “a doorway to your true nature,” echoing my conviction that financial problems are a doorway to your true power.

Her book is based on her own unhealthy relationship with food and her experience teaching others what she learned during her weekend retreats.

Just like my book, Sacred Success, is based on overcoming my own devastating dealings with money and helping others do the same.

Her method of healing women’s relationship with food, similar to mine, mixes a hefty dose of spirituality with emotional transparency and practical actions.

The key to success is not to focus on dieting…or budgeting.

Instead, success comes from combining self-awareness exercises with specific practices to heal the deep-seated wounds that lead to compulsive behaviors, like chronic busyness, over eating, binge spending.

In fact, my favorite quote of all time came from Geneen: “The only people who don’t have insane relationships with money are those who were willing to examine their insane relationship with money.”

Gosh, I wish I’d said that!

Have you thought about what you’re trying to fill up with compulsive behaviors—whether with food or money issues? Leave a comment below.

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The Magical Power of Letting Go

Written by Barbara Huson

A long ago memory came to mind today. I was living in Kansas City, raising two little girls, running a thriving career counseling firm. Business was hopping, but I wasn’t happy. I was longing to live near water and write.

Huh??? I’d never written anything. And there was no water in KC (at least none that I’d want to live near!). Why would I give up a flourishing business, uproot my kids, leave behind a network of friends and reliable babysitters?

That’s when I stumbled on a quote by Carl Jung: “For better to come, good must stand aside.”

I grabbed onto those words as if they were gospel. Was it time for me to give up ‘good’? Was ‘better’ really out there…waiting? It was a risk I was willing to take.

Seven books later and still living on water, I have enormous respect for the power of Letting Go. And the scarier it is to release, the more magical the results.

The moment I decided to give up my business, someone on my staff offered to buy it. Within 6 months I was living on the side of a hill, outside San Francisco, overlooking water.

Then, out of the blue, a national magazine asked me to write a monthly career column. And they paid me!!! I was officially a writer.

Is there something ‘good’ you may need to let go of for ‘better’ to come? Think about it and leave a comment below.

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The Secret “The Secret” Forgot to Tell Us

Written by Barbara Huson

I’m a big fan of The Secret. I just watched the video again the other day.

Thanks to this wildly selling video and subsequent book by Rhona Bryne, the Law of Attraction has gained national attention. And that’s a very good thing…to a point.

The Law of Attraction states that you attract whatever you want into your life through your ability to feel good, think positively, and focus only on the desired outcome. Simply put, if you want to be rich, don’t focus on lack.

But here’s the problem. How many times have you said you really want wealth, believe riches are on the way, refuse to focus on anything but abundance….and still, nothing happens? Your bills go unpaid while your bank balance dwindles.

What The Secret failed to mention is that the Law of Attraction is only part of the equation. There is also The Law of Congruency.

This law states that your declared intention must be congruent with your unconscious decisions. For example, you may say “I want to be rich,” but if you distrust wealthy people, don’t believe you deserve it, or see money as the root of all evil, then wealth isn’t really what you want.

Or as A Course in Miracles explains: “What you ask for you receive. But this refers to prayers of the heart not the words you use in praying.”

This inner discord explains why affirmations or positive thinking, as powerful as they are, don’t always work.

If you don’t have what you want, chances are your spoken goals are in conflict with your authentic desires, and deep down, you don’t actually want what you’re asking for.

The solution—try asking yourself a question: Why don’t I want it? Or put another way: What’s my pay-off for not having it?

What do you say you want in your life but can’t seem to manifest?

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Where Power Goes to Hide

Written by Barbara Huson

She had an important decision to make. And was terribly confused.

“What should I do?’ she pleaded, sounding more like a child than the statuesque professional sitting across from me.

I debated my response and decided to go for it. “That’s not the question a powerful woman would ask,” I said.

She looked at me dumbfounded. It wasn’t what she expected to hear.

I suggested she ask herself the Power Question: What do I want? What do I really want? Not what your partner, parent or society wants—what you want.

I explained, “A powerful woman knows who she is, knows what she wants and expresses that in the world…unapologetically.”

“You give your power away the moment you look ‘out there’ for answers, approval or validation. You’re giving others control of your life.”

Admittedly, I assured her, “’What do I want?’ is not always easy to answer. Most of us never stop to consider the question. Even fewer have figured out the answer.

The answer can be very scary because if you tell yourself the truth, you go from being a victim to taking responsibility. Essentially our fear of power is our fear of becoming who we truly are.

So, I asked her again: “What do you want???”… and added in a hushed whisper…“If you weren’t afraid.”

I watched as she pondered the question. Gradually, I saw the confusion lift as relief took its place. Then she broke into a wide grin and told me exactly what she wanted. Clearly. Concisely. Confidently.

“That felt so empowering,” she exclaimed.

She finally understood: Truth is Power. And as with all of us, our truth always hides behind our fear.

My question to you: What do you want, that fear is keeping at bay?

Financial Miracles or Financial Misery? A Metafiscal Solution.

Written by Barbara Huson

I spent much of my adult life in financial misery. Even as I learned more about money, I still felt out of control. Then everything changed.

The solution didn’t come from a financial text, but a spiritual one, A Course in Miracles.

From the Course I learned that we have “two thought systems” or two distinct “voices” in our head:

The voice of Fear (the Ego).
And the voice of Love (the Soul).

The Soul and the Ego have conflicting agendas. Thus they produce dramatically different results–either miracles or misery.

“You cannot follow two masters,” the Course warns. “There is no compromise between the two.”

My financial life radically shifted as I began to recognize their differing agendas.

The Ego’s job is to keep us safe. A job it learned very early in life, when our survival depended on getting love, approval, and attention. The Ego is all about instilling fear as a means of self-protection.

But know this: what helped us survive as a child will suffocate us as an adult.

The Soul’s job is to make sure we soar. The Soul, which gets its marching orders directly from God, pushes us to do what we’re here to do—which is usually way outside our comfort zone.

Up till then, I had no idea my resistance to managing money was my Ego’s misguided effort to protect me.

Mustering up the courage to ignore my Ego and heed my Soul—though terrifying at first—moved me out of misery and into miracles. It will do the same for you.

Here are 3 steps for plugging into your Soul. They require persistant practice. It’s truly a lifelong challenge.

Observe your feelings. Frustration, tightness, anxiety, fear, inadequacy, needing to control…all signs you’re in Ego (which always speaks first, screams loudest and never shuts up.)
Don’t try to stifle the Ego. That’s part of its devious plan. The Ego depends on distractions such as busyness & other addictions to prevent you from surrendering to silence.
Close your eyes, take some deep breaths, relax. Your Soul, which is quiet but tenacious, needs you to be still and listen. Only in stillness can you make out its muted whispers, its sacred wisdom, its loving guidance.

What’s your practice for plugging into your Soul?

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Blog

Talking to My Man About Money—Oy Vey!

What’s Anger Got to Do with It? Plenty!!

“Impossible” Simply Means “It’s Not a Priority”

The Inner Work of Wealth

Fear is Good! Really!!!

What do Dollars & Donuts Have in Common?

The Magical Power of Letting Go

The Secret “The Secret” Forgot to Tell Us

Where Power Goes to Hide

Financial Miracles or Financial Misery? A Metafiscal Solution.

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