My Career’s a Success. My Finances, a Mess!

Written by Barbara Huson

Years ago, I noticed a puzzling phenomenon. It’s far more prevalent today. I call it the Secret Shame of Successful Women.

Bright, sophisticated professionals, making ample incomes, who have little (if anything) in the bank to show for it.

These women look like the epitome of success—whip smart, business savvy, high earners—yet suffer some degree of financial distress.

They’re either too ashamed to reach out for help (I should be able to do this) or stubbornly resist change when they do (I have no time).

At first it didn’t make sense. You’d think they’d know better, right?

If you can relate, let me reassure you.

First, you’re not alone. Second, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Finally, this has nothing to do with intelligence…or even money.

Financial instability is symptomatic of something far deeper.

The real culprit is all the bottled-up emotions you’ve likely spent a lifetime avoiding.

And what better way to avoid your suppressed pain or trauma (that your inner child still carries) than financial avoidance and the resulting turmoil.

So rather than feel the pain, you create distraction. Unconsciously, of course.

But unless you deal with your repressed emotions, you’ll keep repeating the same dysfunctional behavior. Avoidance, which became your early survival mechanism, has been hard-wired in your brain from continuous repetition.

Years ago, I had a client who, as soon as she paid off a huge debt, was suddenly flooded with scenes of early abuse.

Financial tension had conveniently masked those terrible memories.

I assured her those memories were coming up to be healed and urged her to find a therapist specializing in trauma recovery, which she did right away.

As my former client now admits: facing your pain leads to financial gain. Otherwise your deeply scarred inner child continues running your life, keeping the chaos intact

I’d love to hear from you if you can relate to this blog.

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Yikes! The Sky is Falling!!!

Written by Barbara Huson

As I write, the market’s in a nose dive. Panicked investors are running for the exits.

Please tell me you’re not one of them.

By the time you read this, stocks may have recovered. Or not. The only certainty is that, long term, the trajectory has always been up.

Besides, price swings only matters when you sell. It’s called the Rule of the Roller Coaster: You only get hurt when you jump off.

I discovered this the hard way. My first foray into stocks came after my divorce, in 1986. My broker sent me all kinds of reports and statements, none of which I understood, so I threw them away.

A year later, Oct. 1987, the market tanked…big time! I freaked out, called my broker, told him to sell everything. He begged me not to.

“The market will go back up,’ he said, “It always does.”

I didn’t care. I wanted my money where it was ‘safe’. Of course, the market rebounded, quite quickly. If I stayed put, I’d be a lot richer now. But I learned my lesson.

Fast forward, 10 years later. October, 1997. Prince Charming Isn’t Coming had been published. I knew a hell of a lot more about investing.

Again, the market plummeted. This time, I’m on the phone calling Schwab. My now 2nd ex-husband was upstairs, pacing the floor, in a frenzy about his finances. My teenage daughter comes downstairs, sees me on the phone, asks what I’m doing.

“I’m buying stock” I tell her.

“But mom,” she says, “The market’s crashing.”

“No, Anna” I say. “It’s a sale!”

I understood it then. I understood that eventually the market would go back up…I didn’t know when, but I knew it would.

Sure enough, in the 20+ years I’ve been invested, despite living through at least 8 market crashes, not just corrections like now (when market falls 10%), but full on crashes (when the market plunges 20%), I’m proud to say, I’ve done very, very well for myself.

The secret to success in investing is sticking to a long term approach. Otherwise, you’re not investing. You’re gambling.

What’s your reaction to this crazy market?

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Are You Worshipping a False God?

Written by Barbara Huson

Last fall, I had a crushing realization. I’ve been worshipping a false god…and it’s caused me great pain.

The realization came during a seminar led by one of the early pioneers in internet marketing, Ali Brown.

Her message: Today’s marketplace is so oversaturated, full of noisy distractions and changing so fast, that the old formulas for success no longer work.

“Question everything,” she urged us. “Especially question the metrics you’re using to measure your success.”

She ran down a list of the most common measurements: list size, social media followers, team members, seats filled, speed of growth, etc.

“Numbers are the false gods in our industries,” Ali declared. “A lot of pain comes from how you’re measuring your success because you make assumptions that aren’t always correct, based on size and amounts.”

Thus, came my crushing realization. Numbers have always been my yardstick, not just for my professional success, but my value as a person.

When my numbers were low, I felt like a loser. When the numbers rose, I was once again worthy.

Yet I had no idea how to gauge my level of success except by the size of the numbers. What other metric even mattered?

The answer came in a most surprising manner. My best friend, Jill, was telling me about all the books she’d read by people who had Near Death Experiences.

“The common theme, among those who temporarily crossed over, is that the most important thing in this life is to be your 100% most authentic self,” she explained.

“What if that’s the whole point?” she continued. “What if the only thing the Universe wants is for YOU to be YOU?”

In that moment, I discovered my new metric.

What if I woke every morning, and instead of asking myself ‘What can I do to increase my numbers,’ ask instead, ‘How can I be my most authentic ME?’

The concept is still fresh and feels a bit challenging. How does one even measure authenticity? Can the emphasis on being genuine actually generate profits?

I’m still tempted by the false (yet seductive) god of numbers. But hey, I’ll give this new metric a try. I have to tell you, I feel my soul is smiling in approval.

I’d love to hear from you. Do you have a metric for success…other than numbers?

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Getting Unstuck Can Be So Simple

Written by Barbara Huson

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” Lao Tzu

Been feeling stuck lately? Frustrated with your finances? Not loving your life?

Listen up. The solution is deceptively simple, yet undeniably life changing…guaranteed.

Stop telling your old story.

If you do only this one thing, you’ll rewire your brain and revolutionize your relationship to money—and everything else, for that matter—within months.

Here’s how it works. Start by observing the words that come out your mouth.

Do those words describe your life as it’s been, your flaws, or your fears?

Stop right there and instead talk about the life you desire to create, who you want to be, how you’d love to feel.

Granted this takes considerable vigilance and determination…and may feel awkward, even phony, at first. I said the solution was simple, but it’s far from easy.

Yet every time you share your future aspirations (rather than retell your familiar reality), you literally weaken the old dysfunctional neuropathways and strengthen new, more desirable ones.

Or as A Course in Miracles explains: “What you share you strengthen.”

Here’s a true story that illustrates the incredible power of your words.

Phil Hellmuth is a professional poker player who’s won a record 14 World Series of Poker. But before that, he suffered an 8 year losing streak. No matter what he did, his bad luck wasn’t budging.

Then one day he changed a few words he regularly used and his life turned around.

He altered his email address from “trying to be the greatest” to “being the greatest” . To date he’s won over $22million.

No surprise, he recently told a Wall Street Journal reporter: “I’m a big believe in the power of the word.”

So am I. Are you? I’d love to hear examples of how this has worked in your life?

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The Life Changing Power of Setting Strong Boundaries

Written by Barbara Huson

In my interviews with High Earners I always asked: “Are you doing what you’re doing for the money?”

Almost to a woman, their response was a vehement NO. Passion, challenge, and recognition drove them. But not the money.

Here’s the catch. In the next breath, they all said the same thing. “But I damn well want to be well compensated…because I know I’m worth it!”

Where did their strong sense of self-worth come from? I soon discovered the answer.

These women forced themselves to set strong boundaries. They asked for what they wanted and said ‘no’ to what they didn’t. Over and over again.

This simple (but scary) act was the secret to their financial success. Here’s why:

Asking for more is an act of self-love

Saying no is a statement of self-respect.

Refusing to settle is a show of self-esteem.

And walking away is a sign of self-trust.

Whenever you stand up for what you want, whenever you refuse to take less than you deserve, you reinforce your self-love, self-respect, self-worth, and self-trust.

In time, you’ll begin to notice a shift in how you feel about yourself.

Speaking up becomes not something you should do, but something you have to do— because you know in your heart you’re worth it.

Where do you need to set boundaries by speaking up?

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A Public Service Announcement to All Ambitious Souls

Written by Barbara Huson

Maybe you’ve noticed. So much of what the world tells you it takes to achieve success is wrong! Dead wrong!

Conventional wisdom’s recipe for getting ahead is:

Work hard—really hard
Put in long hours
Take on extra assignments

Yet, according to an article in the Wall Street Journal (1/14/18) reporting a 5-year study of 5000 workers, those very behaviors are the ticket to mediocrity.

A professor of management at UC Berkeley conducted the study of people in a wide range of industries to find out what differentiated outstanding performers from those who were, at best, “middling.”

“Top performers mastered selectivity,” wrote Morten Hansen, who led the study. “Rather than simply piling on more hours, tasks, or assignments, they cut back.”

Call it the Rule of the Fewest. To achieve the most success, aim for the fewest meetings, the fewest goals, the fewest projects while focusing intensely (or as Hansen calls it “obsessing”) on what’s truly essential.

Professor Hansen gave an example from his own life. A CEO of a large foreign company asked him to present a proposal for executive education…using only one slide.

He struggled mightily to condense his 15 slides into one. “I obsessed to get it just right,” he wrote. “When you present one slide, it needs to be excellent.”

The outcome? Fewer slides gave him lots more time.

“The CEO & I were able to spend our 45 minutes discussing the program in greater depth,” he recalled. “When we finished, he remarked on how productive the meeting had been.”

That’s not to say the highest performers don’t work hard. But that is definitely not why they outperform.

“They outperform,” explains Hansen, “because they have courage to cut back and simplify when others pile on, to say ‘no’ when others say yes…to change how they do their jobs when others stick with the status quo.”

For someone (me) who’s taking a partial sabbatical, focusing only on coaching and writing, reading this study felt like God Herself was giving me a high five!

Have you had success in cutting back? Or is it still a scary thought?

My “Ambitious” Challenge for 2018. Want to Join Me?

Written by Barbara Huson

I’ve taken on an Ambitious Challenge for 2018. Well, it’s actually not ambitious in the conventional sense. In fact, most would say it was the exact opposite. But if you feel spiritually adventurous, I invite you to join me.

Here’s how it all started.

Anna, my youngest daughter, and I have a ritual we do every January 1st. We call it our “God Box.”

We write down our goals for the year on slips of paper. One by one, we read them aloud, put them in a special box, then we give our goals up to God and don’t look at them again for a whole year. I’m always awestruck at how most come to pass.

But this January, for the first time in 22 years, we didn’t do it. Stuff came up. We got distracted. The day flew by. It never happened. No new goals went into the box.

I found it terribly unsettling. It actually scared me. Was I sabotaging myself? I’ve always preached the power of goals. They’re unquestionably the lifeblood of success. I knew I should write mine down. But my heart wasn’t in it.

Then it hit me. Maybe there’s a reason Anna and I didn’t set our goals this year.

Could one’s goals actually become one’s limitations?

Is it possible that God has greater plans for me than my little brain could ever conceive at this point?

Or am I certifiably insane to think dispensing with specific goals could ever lead to financial and personal success?

That’s when I gave myself an Ambitious Challenge for 2018. My only goal this year is to s-l-o-w down every day, get quiet enough to hear my soul’s wisdom and trust that wisdom to guide me in the direction I need to go.

For an ambitious gal like me, this is one hell of a challenge. I’ll keep you posted. And I’d love to hear from any of you who’ve ever taken on a similar challenge.

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It’s Never Too Late… To Become Who You’re Meant to Be

Written by Barbara Huson

It is said that power is the ability to make something happen. However, I’m convinced real power is the willingness to let something go.

I have to tell you, since I decided to let go of my last name and business model, I’m feeling very powerful.

But I definitely didn’t feel that way in the months leading up to those decisions. I felt scared. Very, very scared.

Scared of losing potential clients or Facebook followers, once I changed my name to Barbara Huson.

Scared of alienating, angering or disappointing people, once I changed my focus to affluent women.

Scared of financial loss, once I stopped teaching classes.

Scared of….The list was endless. And each fear was/is a valid possibility.

But then I opened a birthday card from an old friend, which read “It’s never too late to become who you’re meant to be.”

And instantly I knew, deep in my soul, I had to make those scary changes.

Because it was the only way to step fully into my power…the only way to become all I’m meant to be.

Even at age 70, I knew it wasn’t too late.

I invite you, as the New Year rolls around, to ask yourself: What do I need to let go of to become who I’m truly meant to be? I guarantee, it’ll be that which you’re most afraid to release.

Power (and growth) takes courage. What will you release in 2018?

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Say Good-Bye to Barbara Stanny

Written by Barbara Huson

Oh, I’m not going anywhere. But I am changing my name to Barbara Huson. If you’re up for a tale of true love, I’ll explain why.

10 years ago, thanks to the magic of match.com, I had a lunch date with a guy named Lee Huson. I knew immediately he was not my type (blue collar, Republican).

But he was tall and bald (I’m a sucker for both). So I gave him a chance. As we talked, I noticed he was quite smart, deep, spiritual and funnier than hell. By the end of our date, he’d miraculously morphed into my type.

He told me later that the next day he heard “a voice” say to him: “You are here to love, appreciate and support Barbara.”

He’s repeated those words to me almost daily for the last decade. And his behavior has followed suit.

Five years later we married. But I didn’t take his name. It was too much hassle. My business identity was wrapped tightly around Stanny. So was my social life. Most friends never bother with Barbara. They just call me Stanny.

A few months ago, however, sitting at my desk, gazing mindlessly out the window, it hit me. (I’ve always found mindless gazing highly productive.)

Why was I hanging on to the name of my ex—who constantly let me know how unhappy he was with me—when I had a man who supported me unconditionally???

That’s when I made the decision. Stanny had to go. Not just because I wanted Lee’s name. But because, as I continued gazing, I realized Lee’s unwavering love for me, just as I am, had radically changed me. Though I hadn’t fully understood it until that pivotal moment.

He’d become my mirror and I started seeing myself through his appreciative reflection. Over time, I’ve actually come to love and accept myself…just as I am.

My name change is a tribute to the miracle of love. Obviously, to the wonderful man I married. But, even more miraculous, to the love I finally found for myself.

Granted, it will take quite a while to change all the branding, URL, email address, etc. But I wanted you to be the first to know. And if you have any tips on changing a name I’d love to hear them!

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Faith & Finances

Written by Barbara Huson

Deepak Chopra once said, “We need a more spiritual approach to success and to affluence.”

I couldn’t agree more. I’m convinced that the moment you inject faith into finances, the instant you invite the Divine into your relationship with the ‘almighty dollar,’ your experience with money grows deeper, richer, more meaningful, and the results are truly profound.

A few years ago I even coined a word to better describe this: Metafiscal—that which blends financial know-how with metaphysical principles; a melding of the sacred and the mundane in regards to money.

You don’t have to be religious to be Metafiscal. I’m certainly not. But when you develop a deep sense of trust in the inexplicable forces of the Universe, everything changes.

Financial success becomes far more than a practical process. It turns into a transformational journey, a personal healing, a sacred initiation into your power, enabling to you to become all you’re meant to be and do what you’re put on this planet to do.

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Blog

My Career’s a Success. My Finances, a Mess!

Yikes! The Sky is Falling!!!

Are You Worshipping a False God?

Getting Unstuck Can Be So Simple

The Life Changing Power of Setting Strong Boundaries

A Public Service Announcement to All Ambitious Souls

My “Ambitious” Challenge for 2018. Want to Join Me?

It’s Never Too Late… To Become Who You’re Meant to Be

Say Good-Bye to Barbara Stanny

Faith & Finances

Meet Barbara Huson

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