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Stone Heart

Say Good-Bye to Barbara Stanny

Oh, I’m not going anywhere. But I am changing my name to Barbara Huson. If you’re up for a tale of true love, I’ll  explain why.

10 years ago, thanks to the magic of match.com, I had a lunch date with a guy named Lee Huson. I knew immediately he was not my type (blue collar, Republican).

But he was tall and bald (I’m a sucker for both). So I gave him a chance. As we talked, I noticed he was quite smart, deep, spiritual and funnier than hell. By the end of our date, he’d miraculously morphed into my type.

He told me later that the next day he heard “a voice” say to him: “You are here to love, appreciate and support Barbara.

He’s repeated those words to me almost daily for the last decade. And his behavior has followed suit.

Five years later we married. But I didn’t take his name. It was too much hassle. My business identity was wrapped tightly around Stanny. So was my social life. Most friends never bother with Barbara. They just call me Stanny.

A few months ago, however, sitting at my desk, gazing mindlessly out the window, it hit me. (I’ve always found mindless gazing highly productive.) 

Why was I hanging on to the name of my ex—who constantly let me know how unhappy he was with me—when I had a man who supported me unconditionally???

That’s when I made the decision. Stanny had to go. Not just because I wanted Lee’s name. But because, as I continued gazing, I realized Lee’s unwavering love for me, just as I am, had radically changed me. Though I hadn’t fully understood it until that pivotal moment.

He’d become my mirror and I started seeing myself through his appreciative reflection. Over time, I’ve actually come to love and accept myself…just as I am.

My name change is a tribute to the miracle of love. Obviously, to the wonderful man I married. But, even more miraculous, to the love I finally found for myself.

Granted, it will take quite a while to change all the branding, URL, email address, etc. But I wanted you to be the first to know.  And if you have any tips on changing a name I’d love to hear them!


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Faith & Finances

Deepak Chopra once said, “We need a more spiritual approach to success and to affluence.”

I couldn’t agree more. I’m convinced that the moment you inject faith into finances, the instant you invite the Divine into your relationship with the ‘almighty dollar,’ your experience with money grows deeper, richer, more meaningful, and the results are truly profound.

A few years ago I even coined a word to better describe this: Metafiscal—that which blends financial know-how with metaphysical principles; a melding of the sacred and the mundane in regards to money.

You don’t have to be religious to be Metafiscal. I’m certainly not. But when you develop a deep sense of trust in the inexplicable forces of the Universe, everything changes.

Financial success becomes far more than a practical process. It turns into a transformational journey, a personal healing, a sacred initiation into your power, enabling to you to become all you’re meant to be and do what you’re put on this planet to do.


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And You Thought It was about Money!!!!

Once a woman achieves financial stability, no longer struggling to make ends meet, something within her dramatically changes…though she’s rarely aware it’s happening.

Her brain, no longer tasked with simply surviving, is ready to rewire itself.

She finds herself yearning for Greatness, no longer satisfied with mediocrity.

She deeply desires to create wealth, not for its own sake, but for its original meaning—well-being.

She strives for power, not to appease or dominate others, but to have dominion over herself.

She searches for significance, not by being the best or making the most, but by doing what God put her on earth to do.

Rewiring, however, requires tremendous effort. She must intentionally respond differently, not habitually, consciously choosing behaviors that permit her to thrive…rather than merely survive.

Yet, unless she’s vigilant, her old neural connections will keep recreating ‘not enough’. She’ll unwittingly remain rooted in the hard-wired neuropathway offering the least resistance (otherwise known as her comfort zone).

I truly believe when enough women understand how to rewire their brains by taking the path of most resistance, building their wealth and claiming their power, a global transformation will occur.

We’ll have the values, visions, sensitivity and the resources needed to change this world, heal this planet.

This, I believe, is our essential legacy, our inherent destiny, our financial responsibility as women.

Tell me about the legacy you want to leave in the comments below.


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Big Changes (and Sadly, Sacrifices) are Afoot…

I’m about to take a sharp right turn. (No, not politically!). A sharp right turn is how my brilliant coach, Ali Brown, describes the process of repositioning a business, of shifting focus, of changing tracks.

I am ready to focus exclusively on women who are on the verge of or have achieved affluence… and the particular challenges and issues that comes with it. 

I see so many women with wealth (whether they earn, marry or inherit it), yet no matter how much they have, money remains a source of stress, anxiety and pain. They don’t understand how to manage their assets or use their abundance as a tool for pleasure, healing and transformation. 

I yearn to work with women who are committed to be good stewards of their money, heal their pain, make a difference in the world, and proudly claim their power.    

I know this is what I’ve been put on earth to do. It’s in my genes. It’s my zone of genius. 

However, as Ali explained, “Repositioning requires sacrifice.”  I must let go of everything that doesn’t fit my new direction…to make room for what does.  I can’t be everything to everyone (as much as I’d like to be).

Sadly, that means letting go of my beloved Monthly Monday Money calls. I adore the candid discussions, the emotional transparency. But our discussions rarely covered the topics I consider my true expertise and passion: wealth building, investing, creating impact and leaving a legacy.

So come December, I’ll be passing the baton to my mentor, Karen McCall, a pioneer in financial recovery. The monthly calls and Facebook page will continue, but Karen will be at the helm. There is no one better to respond to your questions about creating a budget, getting out of debt, healing deprivation, and tackling the root causes of money problems. To those who listen, I’m confident I’m leaving you in good hands.

I’m also taking a partial sabbatical. Next year, I’ll no longer be teaching classes to concentrate on coaching, my new mentorship program and continue exploring what’s next.  My sharp right turn is a work in progress. 

Stay tuned. More big changes are afoot.

Tell me, what have you sacrificed so something better could show up in your life?


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A Candid Confession on Aging

In a few weeks, I turn 70. And I’ve been really struggling.  70’s are…dare I say…old!

The mere mention of that word—old—sends shivers of shame through me. As if being old is an affliction I must hide…lest I be diminished in the eyes of others, or deemed irrelevant.

I remember when I turned 60. I awoke that morning, big smile on my face.  In my mind, 60 was simply ‘middle aged’…no big deal, perfectly acceptable.

But 70 feels radically different. I have no desire to retire, no fear of death and I definitely appreciate the wisdom I’ve accumulated. But—here’s my candid confession—I’ve bought into the cultural bias against aging women.

Western society, in its adulation of youth, tends to ignore, patronize, even disparage the elderly, especially females. Yet here I am, doing it to myself. I’ve fallen prey to my own latent prejudice.

Oh, the insidious ways we women devalue ourselves when we don’t meet some mythic ideal.

I know botox isn’t the solution (though I’ve tried).

My challenge now is finding self-acceptance—to see myself as, say, a fine wine, increasing in value with age—despite the pervasiveness of ageism.

Perhaps, one day, I’ll share with you how I’ve joyfully and powerfully embraced the aging process. I’m not there yet.

But if you are, I’d love some advice.


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The Temptation to Tolerate…

Here’s an interesting question. What are you tolerating in your professional and personal life?

My amazing business coach, Ali Brown, posed that question during her recent seminar, Iconic.

The theme of the seminar: How can you and your business become iconic? Or as Ali put it, how can you “let your genie out of the bottle” so you stand out in a very noisy, crowded, over-saturated playing field?

“You can’t go to your zone of genius, if you’re tolerating mediocrity,” Ali explained. “You can’t get to the real issues while tolerating the annoying stuff.”

It never occurred to me that the willingness to tolerate anything—from minor irritations to major grievances—could interfere with success.

When she suggested making a list of what we’re tolerating, I began with:

  1. Fear, keeping me from starting another book
  2. Too many appointments; too few patches of stillness
  3. Social media
  4. Launches
  5. An uncomfortable desk chair
  6. Clients that aren’t a fit

At first, my list seemed so trivial in comparison to the terrible things women have tolerated for decades.  But then, it occurred to me:

Whatever we are tolerating—no matter how slight or how sordid—is another form of victimization, of giving our power away.

So, in the spirit of empowerment, I traded the ease of inertia for the joy of jettisoning the intolerable.

The desk chair is gone, replaced by a comfy one. I’m taking a partial sabbatical, eliminating all launches. I’ve reduced my time on FB significantly. And new clients will fill out an application to make sure we’re a fit.

Already feeling liberated, I look forward to releasing even more. 

As Ali pointed out, “Magic happens when you stop tolerating.”

What are you unwilling to tolerate anymore???


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The Weinstein Effect

It’s painful to witness. But I’m also hopeful.

I watch the news and wonder: are we at a tipping point in women’s relationship to power?

The old boys club—not just in Hollywood, but everywhere—is being exposed as a bunch of bullies and brutes, consistently abusing their power through egregious behavior or tacit support.

That’s nothing new, of course.

But here’s the hopeful part. Women are refusing to remain victims.

They are unmaking their abusers, en masse.

They’ve made it abundantly clear that the top-down male model of control, domination and self-aggrandizement is not only ineffective, but offensive, dehumanizing and often vicious.

#me too is morphing into #never again.

It’s time that each one of us—you and I—find our voice, join the chorus and take this journey. Even if, especially if, it’s scary.

Never again will we tolerate abuse. Never again, will we suffer in silence. Never again will we water ourselves down so as not to make waves. In our homes or workplaces.

This is what the Feminine Face of Power looks like.


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When Your Brain Screams “STOP!”

Be forewarned. Anytime you try something new, your habitual brain immediately protests: ‘Watch out, this doesn’t feel right! Stop immediately!” 

  

Peter Senge, in his brilliant book, The Fifth Discipline, calls this reaction “creative tension.” 

  

This tension feels terrible, but it has a purpose. It forces us to act. We’ll do anything to reduce it.

 

One way is to lower our sights, give up the goal, and sink back into old patterns. This is the quick and easy fix many women take. 

 

A tougher but ultimately more rewarding solution is to stay the course, using tension as a driving force to keep moving forward. 

 

The closer you get to achieving your goal, warns Senge, the stronger the forces become pulling you away, the louder your brain protests, and the more urgently you want to revert to old patterns.

 

I’ve seen it repeatedly with the women I work with. They’d fall apart at the brink of success, get cold feet, recall the pain of old failures, worry they made the wrong decision. 

 

My advice is always the same. It’s okay to feel bad. Just don’t let it stop you.


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Money is Emotional

I’ve got a beef with the financial industry. And the financial media. And most financial books.

They are preoccupied with the Outer Work of money while ignoring the Inner Work. This myopic perspective occurs for one reason.

Financial education has been created mostly by men.

A few years ago, I was talking to a male pollster who was conducting a Harris Interactive survey for a major financial firm. He had just come from a series of focus groups.

“What did you learn?” I asked him.

“You know,” he responded with surprise, “Money is a very emotional topic for women!”
 

I had to laugh. Like this was brand new information (which, of course, it is to most men)?

But as I learned from personal experience—unless you deal with your psyche, you’ll likely sabotage your success.
 

If you’re stuck, overwhelmed, or indecisive, the solution rarely lies in doing more Outer Work. The key is dealing with your internal blocks, limiting beliefs, and early decisions.


Until you consciously examine your early programming and intentionally change it, you’ll be like puppets pulled by the strings of your past.  

 


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God and Money

Call me crazy. Or call me Woo-Woo. But I firmly believe financial success is a spiritual journey; financial abundance is a divine right; and financial responsibility is a sacred duty.

Something happens when you bring faith into finances. The often overwhelming task of making more money and managing it wisely becomes not only easier but more meaningful.

Look at it this way. You and I are here for a purpose. Money is a vital tool for doing what we were put on this planet to do. How can you possibly follow your God given destiny if you’re drowning in debt, struggling to make ends meet?

Disciplined spending, sufficient earnings, habitual savings and prudent investing are sacred tools for not only living your best life but making the world a better place.

Money, I believe, is God made visible.


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Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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