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The Anxiety Cure (It’s Not What You’d Expect)

Money + Anxiety  go together like a fifth of vodka and a hangover. An inevitable outcome unless you’re really careful.

Whether you don’t have enough or simply don’t know enough; whether you’re overspending or underearning; whether the market’s plunging or your debt is mounting…anxiety is unavoidable.

If you’re feeling anxious because of your finances (or anything else), what are you supposed to do? Live with the angst?

No, claims The Wall Street Journal. Try Sighing! Yes, you read the right. Let me hear an “AHHHHHHHH.”

Savings Can Be Fun! (Who Knew????)

She had long avoided savings. Until she got an idea. What if the next time she did something scary, she rewarded herself by contributing a small amount to a saving account?

“Today I dealt with a confusing problem at work and got it resolved,” she explained in The Wealth Connection chat group, “So I just added a dollar to my savings!  It’s a great feeling. I’m having a lot of fun saving! “

The moral of this story:  Savings can actually be fun when you frame it as a reward.

Positive reinforcement—anything from patting yourself on the back to paying yourself a dollar—works for one simple fact. It feels good…which triggers the release of pleasurable chemicals like dopamine, encouraging your brain to keep repeating the behavior.

Women Are Different Than Men

When it comes to women investing, I’m reminded of a quote attributed to Einstein: “If you ask a fish to climb a tree, she’ll always feel stupid.”

Same is true with money. If you try to approach finances like a man, you’ll always feel like a fish out of water.

So instead of trying to do it ‘their way,’ it’s time we value the feminine perspective. Let’s look at 5 ways the genders differ:

#1: Our Impetus for Investing

Men are very motivated by profit, perks, personal gain. No matter how much they have, amassing more is a powerful incentive.

Not women. Once we’re financially stable, we’re rarely motivated by money. Sure, we want to profit. But what really inspires us is helping others.

Power-From-Within

If you’re not where you want to be financially, consider this. Your difficulties may have little, if anything, to do with money, but your fear of or ambivalence about power…because you don’t understand true power.

Basically, there are 3 kinds of power:

1. Power Over (Domination)

2. Power With (Collaboration)

3. Power-From-Within (Dominion).

The drawback with the first two is that exercising power depends on others cooperating.

The Myth of “More”

I have always found myself yearning for more…more money, more success, more sales, more ­­­­______ (fill in the blank).

I proudly considered this constant yearning a healthy sign of a robust ambition. Until I began studying neuroscience and realized how truly unhealthy this kind of thinking actually is.

Here’s why. We literally sculpt our brain by what we dwell on. The more we think a thought or feel an emotion, the stronger that neuropathway becomes in our brain.

By constantly hungering for more, I was inadvertently telling my brain “I don’t have enough.” 

The more I repeated that thought, the stronger the “not enough” neuropathway grew, until I’d unconsciously do things that kept reinforcing my experience of ‘not enough.’

Shifting from Financial Misery to Financial Miracles in 3 Steps

I spent much of my adult life in financial turmoil. Even as I learned more about money, I still felt out of control. Then everything changed.

The answer didn’t come from a financial text, but a spiritual one, A Course in Miracles.

From the Course I learned that we have “two thought systems” or two distinct “voices” in our head:

  • The voice of Fear (the Ego).
  • And the voice of Love (the Soul).

The Soul and the Ego have conflicting agendas. Thus, they produce dramatically different results–either miracles or misery.

You cannot follow two masters,” the Course warns. “There is no compromise between the two.”

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You Say You Want More Money, But….

If intentions are so powerful, why don’t they always pan out? What if you swear you want to make more money, your intent is sincere, your desire is strong, but try as you might, your paycheck remains paltry?

If this is the case, it’s for this reason: You get what you want, not what you ask for. The distinction is critical.

When a buried intention—say, to be comfortable—is stronger than your spoken one—to be profitable—you’ll stop yourself at every turn. You may say, and believe, you want to make more, but that’s not the message that’s reaching your brain.

If you’re not getting it, for whatever reason, chances are you may not want it. Or as A Course in Miracles explains:  “What you ask for, you receive. But this refers to prayers of the heart, not the words you use in praying.”

I guarantee, setting a powerful intention and committing to it can make a big difference in how financially successful you actually become.

What’s Your Legacy? Don’t Wait Till It’s Too Late to Think About It.

When I was in my 20’s, I saw a poster that read “Will it matter that I was?” Those words got me thinking about the legacy I wanted to leave, an inquiry that’s still ongoing to this day.

Every one of us leaves a legacy, but surprisingly few reflect on what they want theirs to be. Yet, it’s an important point for us all to ponder.

I once stumbled on a very touching blog written by a hospice physician. She saw how many of her patients were “deeply disturbed” because they hadn’t “contributed anything significant to life.”

“The message I have taken away from these patients,” she wrote, “is that it is far better to contemplate the meaning of life when we actually have some time left to work on the question.”

The Power of Philanthropy

Let’s talk about philanthropy. This is where the real power and true joy resides.

I first realized this when I interviewed smart women for my first book, Prince Charming Isn’t Coming: How Women Get Smart About Money. I thought the whole purpose of taking the financial reins was to have more money in the bank.

But these women were telling me there’s more. Knowing how to invest wisely is merely the first part of taking fiscal responsibility. The other part, equally important, is recognizing you have the power to effect change.

I’m convinced this as an inevitable, evolutionary process. Once a woman becomes financially secure, there’s a natural progression from needing to get a grip on her money to wanting to extend her reach in the world.

As we stop waiting to be saved, we start wanting to serve. As we figure out how to invest for the highest returns, we start wondering where we can invest to achieve the most impact.

Yet philanthropy is usually the least thought out, most disorganized, part of our financial activities. We give more thought to buying a pair of shoes than which causes we donate to.

How Strategic Are You?

When I wrote Secrets of Six-figure Women, I learned how important Strategic Thinking was to their success. Yet it’s not something many women are inclined to engage in. I certainly didn’t.

Strategic thinking means keeping one eye on your higher purpose without taking the other off the bottom line.

Men seem much savvier at strategic thinking. Women, in their eagerness to give back to their community or give birth to their dreams, often neglect this critical step.

To think strategically, you must constantly link your Big Vision to the costs of doing business, connect your mission statement to the profit/loss statement. 

Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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