I recently got a message on Facebook: “I want to make a quantum leap. Tell me, Barbara, how do I do that?”
My answer: “Take lots of tiny steps.”
If her lack of response was any indication, I don’t think she liked my reply.
But the truth is, that’s precisely how quantum leaps, colossal successes, radical transformations occur…one small step at a time.
You know the feeling. You finally decide to take the financial reins. You’ll pay off your debt, save for emergencies, invest regularly for retirement.
Off you go—to take a financial class, talk to an advisor, buy a money book when suddenly, you run smack dab into Resistance.
Resistance is the psychological term for “I don’t want to do this!”
So, you cancel the appointment, lose interest in the book, sit through the class, but nothing sinks in. You figure money’s not your thing. Eventually, you quit trying.
Resistance, more than anything else, is what stops women from taking the financial reins. But it doesn’t need to derail you, at least not for long.
“I really want to make more money,” she said, sighing heavily. “But I find it difficult being comfortable asking for what I’m worth.”
This woman was missing the point. I don’t know anyone who feels comfortable raising their prices or asking for a raise. Yet, underearners will sabotage their success rather than endure the discomfort.
It’s astonishing how fiercely we cling to our so-called Comfort Zones. What a misnomer. These places are anything but comfortable. They’re just familiar and predictable.
Whenever you decide to do something different–whether it’s making more money or losing more weight—you must enter the Discomfort Zone–the space between where you are now and where you want to be.
“What are the secrets to being wealthy?” she asked, a tinge of desperation in her voice. “I feel like rich people know these secrets that I never learned.”
She was right. There are Secrets to creating wealth. And I understood her frustration. I struggled with this same question for years, never getting a satisfactory answer.
The truth is, very few people actually understand how to become a Wealth Builder. Everyone, however, knows how to be a Consumer.
As a Consumer, when money comes in, you go out and spend it. Granted, you may be an excellent Dollar Watcher and Bargain Hunter. But that’s not how you build wealth.
Could this be you? You’ve read a ton about investing, attended classes. You understand stocks, bonds, and the value of diversification. You own a few funds in your retirement account.
Still, you continue to ignore or neglect your money, even though you know better. Why?
Blame it on traditional financial education…where the emphasis is on filling your head with facts rather than fostering your courage to change.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been given the tools to boost Self Efficacy, the most powerful predictor of financial well-being. (I didn’t think so.)
Self-Efficacy—a concept developed by the Stanford psychologist Albert Bandera—is a person’s belief in their ability to succeed in a given task or goal.
If you don’t believe you can invest wisely without screwing up irreparably, you likely won’t even try. Or, if you do try, you’ll stop at the first stumbling block. Even worse, you’ll unconsciously make bad choices that reaffirm your limiting belief.
I was newly divorced, raising 3 daughters, when I got tax bills for over $1m. My ex was responsible, but he left the country…leaving me with very little in the bank. My father refused to lend me the money. I was angry and terrified. I had no choice. I had to get smart about money.
I tried going to classes, reading books, but nothing made sense. I felt immobilized. Nowhere in those books or classes could I find a solution for my paralysis…until I took matters in my own hands.
I stopped focusing on the practical mechanics of money and started plumbing the deepest recesses of my psyche. Writing in my journal proved profoundly revealing.
I became aware of a familiar voice that kept telling me how stupid I was. Instead of ignoring it or letting it hold sway, as I always did, I began a dialogue with that voice, asking it where it came from and what it wanted.
I remembered my father telling me, often and in no uncertain terms, that managing money was a man’s job. As a woman, I did not have what it took to manage money.
So of course, I was terrified that if I tried to take charge, I’d botch things badly, blow it all.
I once saw a poster that made a lasting impression. On it was written: Will it matter that I was?
Those words struck me like lightning bolts. I realized, after 40 years on this planet, I had never felt like I mattered…which explained the seemingly inexplicable angst I’d experienced my entire life.
That’s when I made a decision. I vowed to do something ‘important’ so I’d finally feel like I mattered. And off I went.
I wrote a book, then several others. I appeared on national TV. I spoke to large audiences. But no matter how loud the applause, it never drowned out my sense of insignificance.
I spent much of my adult life in financial turmoil. Even as I learned more about money, I still felt out of control. Until…everything changed.
The answer didn’t come from a financial text, but a spiritual one: A Course in Miracles.
From the Course I learned that we have “two thought systems” or two distinct “voices” in our head:
The Soul and the Ego have conflicting agendas. Thus, they produce dramatically different results–either miracles or misery.
“You cannot follow two masters,” the Course warns. “There is no compromise between the two.”
My financial life radically shifted as I began to recognize their differing agendas.
It’s been said that you’re never given a wish without the power to make it come true.
But how many times have you wished for more success, more money, more love, more __________(fill in the blank), and nothing happened, no matter what you did?
That powerless feeling is one of life’s greatest frustrations. I know from experience.
Years ago, right after my divorce, my ex left the country, leaving me with no money in the bank and over a million dollars in tax bills. I knew nothing about finances. He handled everything.
The tax bills were looming and with 3 young daughters to support, I knew I needed to get smart…and fast. I was desperate.
I’m an intelligent woman—how hard could it be? But no matter how many books I read, classes I took, advisors I talked to, my eyes would glaze over, my brain would fog up and I’d feel hopelessly, incurably stupid.
It’s hard not to freak out these days. Between political chaos, wars, and erratic markets how’s a girl supposed to stay positive and avoid panicking?
I’ve been asking myself that question a lot. Then I found a way to quiet my anxiety. And I’m excited to share it with you.
It’s called Selective Attention. You focus on what inspires you and stop dwelling on what scares you.
Easier said than done, right? Which is exactly what I thought…until I remembered the Receiving Journals I handed out years ago at my Sacred Success retreats.
Keeping a Receiving Journal serves the same purpose as tracking your spending. But instead of increasing your awareness of money going out, a Receiving Journal forces you to face all the abundance flowing in.
