Think about it. Aren’t all acts of self-sabotage really misguided attempts at self-protection?

Though very few of us see it that way.

Countless women come to me, chiding themselves unmercifully for sabotaging their success by making foolish decisions.  Maybe you’ve done it too.

Spending more than you have. Avoiding what you know is important.  Deferring decisions to another. Giving generously while depriving yourself.

Most of my adulthood was one giant act of financial self-sabotage. I avoided anything to do with money, giving my husband control, while I spent freely and gave generously.

In my interviews, I always asked High Earners: “Are you doing what you’re doing for the money?” 

“No”, they told me, quite vehemently. What drove them was passion, challenge, recognition. But not money, they insisted.

Yet, in the next breath, they all said the same thing. “But I damn well want to be well compensated…because I know I’m worth it!”

Where did their strong sense of self-worth come from, I initially wondered? As a chronic underearner, I wanted what they had. The answer soon became stunningly clear.

It turns out they all followed a simple strategy. Initially, they were afraid to speak up and tell the truth. But, at some point, they forced themselves to ask for what they wanted and say ‘no’ to what they didn’t want.

There’s a story about an experienced mountain climber who trips, falls, and is clinging precariously to the side of a ledge.