Where Power Goes to Hide

Written by Barbara Huson

She had an important decision to make. And was terribly confused.

“What should I do?’ she pleaded, sounding more like a child than the statuesque professional sitting across from me.

I debated my response and decided to go for it. “That’s not the question a powerful woman would ask,” I said.

She looked at me dumbfounded. It wasn’t what she expected to hear.

I suggested she ask herself the Power Question: What do I want? What do I really want? Not what your partner, parent or society wants—what you want.

I explained, “A powerful woman knows who she is, knows what she wants and expresses that in the world…unapologetically.”

“You give your power away the moment you look ‘out there’ for answers, approval or validation. You’re giving others control of your life.”

Admittedly, I assured her, “’What do I want?’ is not always easy to answer. Most of us never stop to consider the question. Even fewer have figured out the answer.

The answer can be very scary because if you tell yourself the truth, you go from being a victim to taking responsibility. Essentially our fear of power is our fear of becoming who we truly are.

So, I asked her again: “What do you want???”… and added in a hushed whisper…“If you weren’t afraid.”

I watched as she pondered the question. Gradually, I saw the confusion lift as relief took its place. Then she broke into a wide grin and told me exactly what she wanted. Clearly. Concisely. Confidently.

“That felt so empowering,” she exclaimed.

She finally understood: Truth is Power. And as with all of us, our truth always hides behind our fear.

My question to you: What do you want, that fear is keeping at bay?

A Simple Truth: Why the Rich Are Different

Written by Barbara Huson

Scott Fitzgerald: “The rich are different than you and me.”

Ernest Hemingway: “Yes. They have more money.”

I often see this exchange between the two authors quoted. I always want to take it one step further: “But why do the rich have more money than most.”

And my answer would be: “Because the rich think differently.”

And here’s the difference: The Masses think like a Consumer. The Rich think like a Wealth Builder.

There is a major difference between the two.

A Consumer thinks: I want more money so I can buy more clothes, take more trips, eat out more often, and have more fun.

The Wealth Builder thinks: I want more money to save and invest for the long term so that I can have more freedom, more choices, more fun, and more opportunities to give back.

Do you know what separates these two mind-sets? Instant gratification.

It’s the difference between snapping up those Prada shoes—which you simply must have because they go perfectly with that Juicy Couture dress you just bought—or depositing that same sum straight into a savings account, or better yet, a mutual fund.

The decision is yours to make.

I’m not suggesting self-deprivation. There’s a world of difference between denial and discipline.

True, the discipline of saving may require delayed gratification. But think of it this way—you’re giving the money to YOU (not Visa or Starbucks) so that ultimately you can purchase what you please without pressure or worry.

What about you? Do you think like a Consumer or Wealth Builder?

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Living with Uncertainty…AAAUGH!

Written by Barbara Huson

Transitions are a bitch. I’m smack in the middle of one right now. Maybe you are too.

I’m reminded of a cartoon. A frog is leaping from one lily pad to another with a look of sheer terror as he realizes he’s about to miss his target. The caption read: ‘Just when you think you’ve made ends meet, someone moves an end’.

That’s exactly how it feels to be in transition—whether it’s a conscious choice (like my partial sabbatical) or an unwelcomed disruption (like a job loss). You’re poised mid-air between the old and the new, wondering —what do I do now?

I remember my first big transition, back in the 80’s, when I moved to San Francisco…a dream come true. But as soon as I settled in, I wanted to jump out of my skin. This wasn’t what I expected.

By chance, I picked up the book Transitions: Making sense of Life’s Changes by Bill Bridges. To say it changed my life is an understatement.

Bridges points out that primitive societies had rituals to give meaning to life’s transitions. Initiates were taken out of their villages, into the wilderness, where they didn’t know what was going to happen next.

“Every time we make a change,” he explains, “We take a metaphorical journey into the wilderness.” But nowadays, no one is there to guide us.

Fortunately, Bridges became my guide, reassuring me that uncertainty is a vital part of the transition process.

This ‘in-between’ period is not a time to commit. It’s a time to contemplate, to feel our feelings, to grieve our losses. Even, like those primitive societies, commune with our spirit guides. We need to unhook from the past before we can create a new future.

Even now, I hear Bridges reminding me: the more you can tolerate, even embrace, uncertainty, the quicker you will get through it.

Eventually, at some point, you’ll feel a fresh burst of energy. Opportunities will appear. Loose ends will come together. Out of the chaos of uncertainty, new beginnings will inevitably emerge.

But until that happens, I have to say: Traversing uncertainty is like taking foul tasting medicine. Just because I know it’s good for me, doesn’t mean I have to like it.

How have you embraced uncertainty in your transitions?

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Living as if You Matter

Written by Barbara Huson

I once saw a poster that made a lasting impression. On it was written: Will it matter that I was?

Those words struck me like lightning bolts. I realized, after 40 years on this planet, I had never felt like I mattered…which explained the seemingly inexplicable angst I’d felt my entire life.

That’s when I made a decision. I vowed to do something ‘important’ so I’d finally feel like I mattered. And off I went.

I wrote a book, then several others. I appeared on national TV. I spoke to large audiences. But no matter how loud the applause, it never drowned out my sense of insignificance.

Until I wrote Sacred Success. Then everything changed. The women I interviewed for the book showed me the way to a more meaningful life.

Rather than focus on their fears and self-doubt (which they all had), they were living their life as if they already mattered…as if they had a God given purpose they were determined to fulfill.

Rather than striving to feel important themselves, they were seeking to make a difference for others.

When I asked one woman what drove her to such stratospheric success, her response echoed what almost everyone told me.

“It’s more than money,” she insisted. “It’s impact. I am motivated by leaving a legacy.”

As soon as I started asking myself: ‘What is the legacy I want to leave?’ I felt my focus radically shift.

I could finally acknowledge that I DO matter. I always have. Not because of something great I’ve accomplished. But because I’m here for a reason—to leave my mark on the world, even if it’s only a tiny footprint in the sand.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: “To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded.”

Have you considered the legacy you want to leave?

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My Career’s a Success. My Finances, a Mess!

Written by Barbara Huson

Years ago, I noticed a puzzling phenomenon. It’s far more prevalent today. I call it the Secret Shame of Successful Women.

Bright, sophisticated professionals, making ample incomes, who have little (if anything) in the bank to show for it.

These women look like the epitome of success—whip smart, business savvy, high earners—yet suffer some degree of financial distress.

They’re either too ashamed to reach out for help (I should be able to do this) or stubbornly resist change when they do (I have no time).

At first it didn’t make sense. You’d think they’d know better, right?

If you can relate, let me reassure you.

First, you’re not alone. Second, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Finally, this has nothing to do with intelligence…or even money.

Financial instability is symptomatic of something far deeper.

The real culprit is all the bottled-up emotions you’ve likely spent a lifetime avoiding.

And what better way to avoid your suppressed pain or trauma (that your inner child still carries) than financial avoidance and the resulting turmoil.

So rather than feel the pain, you create distraction. Unconsciously, of course.

But unless you deal with your repressed emotions, you’ll keep repeating the same dysfunctional behavior. Avoidance, which became your early survival mechanism, has been hard-wired in your brain from continuous repetition.

Years ago, I had a client who, as soon as she paid off a huge debt, was suddenly flooded with scenes of early abuse.

Financial tension had conveniently masked those terrible memories.

I assured her those memories were coming up to be healed and urged her to find a therapist specializing in trauma recovery, which she did right away.

As my former client now admits: facing your pain leads to financial gain. Otherwise your deeply scarred inner child continues running your life, keeping the chaos intact

I’d love to hear from you if you can relate to this blog.

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Yikes! The Sky is Falling!!!

Written by Barbara Huson

As I write, the market’s in a nose dive. Panicked investors are running for the exits.

Please tell me you’re not one of them.

By the time you read this, stocks may have recovered. Or not. The only certainty is that, long term, the trajectory has always been up.

Besides, price swings only matters when you sell. It’s called the Rule of the Roller Coaster: You only get hurt when you jump off.

I discovered this the hard way. My first foray into stocks came after my divorce, in 1986. My broker sent me all kinds of reports and statements, none of which I understood, so I threw them away.

A year later, Oct. 1987, the market tanked…big time! I freaked out, called my broker, told him to sell everything. He begged me not to.

“The market will go back up,’ he said, “It always does.”

I didn’t care. I wanted my money where it was ‘safe’. Of course, the market rebounded, quite quickly. If I stayed put, I’d be a lot richer now. But I learned my lesson.

Fast forward, 10 years later. October, 1997. Prince Charming Isn’t Coming had been published. I knew a hell of a lot more about investing.

Again, the market plummeted. This time, I’m on the phone calling Schwab. My now 2nd ex-husband was upstairs, pacing the floor, in a frenzy about his finances. My teenage daughter comes downstairs, sees me on the phone, asks what I’m doing.

“I’m buying stock” I tell her.

“But mom,” she says, “The market’s crashing.”

“No, Anna” I say. “It’s a sale!”

I understood it then. I understood that eventually the market would go back up…I didn’t know when, but I knew it would.

Sure enough, in the 20+ years I’ve been invested, despite living through at least 8 market crashes, not just corrections like now (when market falls 10%), but full on crashes (when the market plunges 20%), I’m proud to say, I’ve done very, very well for myself.

The secret to success in investing is sticking to a long term approach. Otherwise, you’re not investing. You’re gambling.

What’s your reaction to this crazy market?

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Are You Worshipping a False God?

Written by Barbara Huson

Last fall, I had a crushing realization. I’ve been worshipping a false god…and it’s caused me great pain.

The realization came during a seminar led by one of the early pioneers in internet marketing, Ali Brown.

Her message: Today’s marketplace is so oversaturated, full of noisy distractions and changing so fast, that the old formulas for success no longer work.

“Question everything,” she urged us. “Especially question the metrics you’re using to measure your success.”

She ran down a list of the most common measurements: list size, social media followers, team members, seats filled, speed of growth, etc.

“Numbers are the false gods in our industries,” Ali declared. “A lot of pain comes from how you’re measuring your success because you make assumptions that aren’t always correct, based on size and amounts.”

Thus, came my crushing realization. Numbers have always been my yardstick, not just for my professional success, but my value as a person.

When my numbers were low, I felt like a loser. When the numbers rose, I was once again worthy.

Yet I had no idea how to gauge my level of success except by the size of the numbers. What other metric even mattered?

The answer came in a most surprising manner. My best friend, Jill, was telling me about all the books she’d read by people who had Near Death Experiences.

“The common theme, among those who temporarily crossed over, is that the most important thing in this life is to be your 100% most authentic self,” she explained.

“What if that’s the whole point?” she continued. “What if the only thing the Universe wants is for YOU to be YOU?”

In that moment, I discovered my new metric.

What if I woke every morning, and instead of asking myself ‘What can I do to increase my numbers,’ ask instead, ‘How can I be my most authentic ME?’

The concept is still fresh and feels a bit challenging. How does one even measure authenticity? Can the emphasis on being genuine actually generate profits?

I’m still tempted by the false (yet seductive) god of numbers. But hey, I’ll give this new metric a try. I have to tell you, I feel my soul is smiling in approval.

I’d love to hear from you. Do you have a metric for success…other than numbers?

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Getting Unstuck Can Be So Simple

Written by Barbara Huson

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” Lao Tzu

Been feeling stuck lately? Frustrated with your finances? Not loving your life?

Listen up. The solution is deceptively simple, yet undeniably life changing…guaranteed.

Stop telling your old story.

If you do only this one thing, you’ll rewire your brain and revolutionize your relationship to money—and everything else, for that matter—within months.

Here’s how it works. Start by observing the words that come out your mouth.

Do those words describe your life as it’s been, your flaws, or your fears?

Stop right there and instead talk about the life you desire to create, who you want to be, how you’d love to feel.

Granted this takes considerable vigilance and determination…and may feel awkward, even phony, at first. I said the solution was simple, but it’s far from easy.

Yet every time you share your future aspirations (rather than retell your familiar reality), you literally weaken the old dysfunctional neuropathways and strengthen new, more desirable ones.

Or as A Course in Miracles explains: “What you share you strengthen.”

Here’s a true story that illustrates the incredible power of your words.

Phil Hellmuth is a professional poker player who’s won a record 14 World Series of Poker. But before that, he suffered an 8 year losing streak. No matter what he did, his bad luck wasn’t budging.

Then one day he changed a few words he regularly used and his life turned around.

He altered his email address from “trying to be the greatest” to “being the greatest” . To date he’s won over $22million.

No surprise, he recently told a Wall Street Journal reporter: “I’m a big believe in the power of the word.”

So am I. Are you? I’d love to hear examples of how this has worked in your life?

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The Life Changing Power of Setting Strong Boundaries

Written by Barbara Huson

In my interviews with High Earners I always asked: “Are you doing what you’re doing for the money?”

Almost to a woman, their response was a vehement NO. Passion, challenge, and recognition drove them. But not the money.

Here’s the catch. In the next breath, they all said the same thing. “But I damn well want to be well compensated…because I know I’m worth it!”

Where did their strong sense of self-worth come from? I soon discovered the answer.

These women forced themselves to set strong boundaries. They asked for what they wanted and said ‘no’ to what they didn’t. Over and over again.

This simple (but scary) act was the secret to their financial success. Here’s why:

Asking for more is an act of self-love

Saying no is a statement of self-respect.

Refusing to settle is a show of self-esteem.

And walking away is a sign of self-trust.

Whenever you stand up for what you want, whenever you refuse to take less than you deserve, you reinforce your self-love, self-respect, self-worth, and self-trust.

In time, you’ll begin to notice a shift in how you feel about yourself.

Speaking up becomes not something you should do, but something you have to do— because you know in your heart you’re worth it.

Where do you need to set boundaries by speaking up?

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It’s Never Too Late… To Become Who You’re Meant to Be

Written by Barbara Huson

It is said that power is the ability to make something happen. However, I’m convinced real power is the willingness to let something go.

I have to tell you, since I decided to let go of my last name and business model, I’m feeling very powerful.

But I definitely didn’t feel that way in the months leading up to those decisions. I felt scared. Very, very scared.

Scared of losing potential clients or Facebook followers, once I changed my name to Barbara Huson.

Scared of alienating, angering or disappointing people, once I changed my focus to affluent women.

Scared of financial loss, once I stopped teaching classes.

Scared of….The list was endless. And each fear was/is a valid possibility.

But then I opened a birthday card from an old friend, which read “It’s never too late to become who you’re meant to be.”

And instantly I knew, deep in my soul, I had to make those scary changes.

Because it was the only way to step fully into my power…the only way to become all I’m meant to be.

Even at age 70, I knew it wasn’t too late.

I invite you, as the New Year rolls around, to ask yourself: What do I need to let go of to become who I’m truly meant to be? I guarantee, it’ll be that which you’re most afraid to release.

Power (and growth) takes courage. What will you release in 2018?

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Life Lessons

Where Power Goes to Hide

A Simple Truth: Why the Rich Are Different

Living with Uncertainty…AAAUGH!

Living as if You Matter

My Career’s a Success. My Finances, a Mess!

Yikes! The Sky is Falling!!!

Are You Worshipping a False God?

Getting Unstuck Can Be So Simple

The Life Changing Power of Setting Strong Boundaries

It’s Never Too Late… To Become Who You’re Meant to Be

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