Humility or Self-Sabotage?

Written by Barbara Huson

Decades ago, a coach gave me a powerful assignment. It’s something I’ll never forget.

For 2 weeks, I was to simply observe my conversations, without changing a thing. Just notice what I talked about, the words I used, my typical reactions…you know, the stuff I was sharing with others.

What I saw was not pretty.

I had a habit of putting myself down…without even realizing it. I’d constantly dismiss my skills (“Oh, that’s no big thing”), deflect praise (“I thought I was awful”), and diminish my successes (“But I could’ve done so much better”).

What felt like humility was, in truth, an act of self-sabotage. Every word of self -depreciation put another dent in my self-esteem.

“What you share you strengthen,” explains A Course in Miracles. I was strengthening my self-doubt while crushing my confidence. No wonder I was struggling.

What about you? Could you be minimizing your achievements, underestimating your value, chipping away at your sense of worth? I invite you to find out.

Spend a few weeks simply noticing what you talk about. Then ask yourself this question: Could I be undermining my success by what I’m sharing with others?

Leave me a comment below to tell me what you observed.

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A Lesson in ReWIRING

Written by Barbara Huson

I have always found myself yearning for more…more money, more success, more sales, more ______ (fill in the blank).

I proudly considered this constant yearning a healthy sign of a robust ambition—until I began studying neuroscience. Then I realized how truly unhealthy this kind of thinking actually is.

Here’s why. We literally sculpt our brain by what we dwell on. The more we think a thought or feel an emotion, the stronger that neuropathway becomes in our brain.

By constantly hungering for more, I was inadvertently telling my brain “I don’t have enough.”

The more I repeated that thought, the stronger the “not enough” neuropathway grew, until I’d unconsciously do things that kept reinforcing my experience of “not enough”.

Slowly it dawned on me. How can I expect more, if I repeatedly focus on what I had not yet attained?

Clearly, I needed to shift my focus to rewire my brain. So I decided to experiment. Every time I felt myself coveting anything, I stopped, took note and shifted into appreciation for what I currently had.

More money? I took a peek at my bank account, and gave thanks for the amount presently there. More success? I gratefully reviewed what I’d achieved up to now. The moment the thought creeps in, “but it’s not where I want to be…” I stop and refocus on how far I’ve come.

I invite you to join me. What if you shifted to gratitude for what you already have, rather than gazing into the future, longing for more?

I’m not asking you to give up your desires. But I am suggesting that you view your desires through the appreciative lens of how they’ve been at least partially fulfilled.

Then watch what happens. If your experience is like mine, you’re in for a few miracles!

Leave a comment below to let me know if practicing gratitude for what you already have creates miracles in your life.

Interested in learning more about reWIRING your brain? Click here for details on my 5-month reWIRE Mentorship group.

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The Inner Work of Wealth

Written by Barbara Huson

I was newly divorced, raising 3 daughters, when I got tax bills for over $1m. My ex was responsible, but he left the country…leaving me with very little in the bank. My father refused to lend me the money. I was angry & terrified, but had no choice. I had to get smart about money.

I tried going to classes, reading books, but nothing made sense. I felt immobilized. Nowhere in those books or classes could I find a solution for my paralysis.

So I took matters in my own hands. I stopped focusing on the practical mechanics of money and started plumbing the deepest recesses of my psyche. Writing in my journal proved profoundly revealing. But most of all, it was freeing.

I became aware of a familiar voice that kept telling me how stupid I was. Instead of ignoring it, letting it hold sway, as I usually did, I began a dialogue with that voice, asking it where it came from and what it wanted.

I remembered my father telling me, often and in no uncertain terms, that managing money was a man’s job. So of course, I was terrified that if I tried to take charge, I’d botch things up badly. I’d make mistakes, blow it all.

My inability to understand money was actually an act of self-protection.

“If we seek something we’re afraid of, attainment of it won’t be what you really want,” A Course in Miracles warned me.

Deep down I didn’t want to get smart. I didn’t want to take charge. I did not want to risk losing everything.

But once I understood my unconscious assumption (women are incapable of managing money) and its source (my father), I was able to discredit it. My paralysis disappeared. Learning about finances actually came quite easily.

The financial industry eschews the Inner Work of Wealth as “touchy feely.” But I’m here to tell you, financial success doesn’t come from what you do as much as it comes from how you think.

Or as author Clark Moustakas put it “When a person acts without knowledge of what (she) thinks, feels, needs or wants, (she) does not yet have the option of choosing to act differently.”

Until I was aware of my false beliefs, I was virtually unable to act differently.

What false beliefs about money are holding you back? Leave me a comment below.

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Fear is Good! Really!!!

Written by Barbara Huson

Inspired by those “Life is Good” t-shirts, I am launching a new campaign. And I invite you to join me. I’m calling it: Fear is Good.

As I see it, Fear has gotten a bum rap and a bad rep. Maybe it’s leftover from our Neanderthal heritage, when hungry predators were a constant threat.

But times have changed. And so has Fear’s function.

Problem is, few of us have figured that out. We feel the Fear, and instantly take flight. We don’t realize that, in modern times, fear is rarely a sign that our survival is being threatened.

Nowadays, the only survival being threatened is usually our egos. Fear has a new purpose—to warn us of approaching Greatness.

And as I’m discovering, we’re as afraid of our Greatness as our ancestors were of carnivorous beasts…maybe more.

So, I’m on a crusade to change that. Let it be known…Fear is the clearest signal we will get that we’re on the precipice of greater success, greater prosperity, greater happiness, greater impact.

Imagine if you finally realized that Fear is nothing to fear. As for my Fear is Good campaign, there’s only one requirement to become a member.

Every time you get scared, you shout, at the top of your lungs: “I go where I fear!” And off you go…in the direction of your fear, in the direction of your Greatness.

Fear is Good! Can I sign you up? Leave me a comment below.

What do Dollars & Donuts Have in Common?

Written by Barbara Huson

I’ve long noticed an interesting fact. Women who have problems with money often have problems with food.

Then I read Geneen Roth’s extraordinary book, Women, Food and God, a New York Time’s bestseller. I’ve never met Geneen personally. But I instantly knew she was a kindred spirit.

Geneen insists that food is never the problem. Just as I’ve always known problems with money are never about money.

Rather, says Geneen, overeating is “a doorway to your true nature,” echoing my conviction that financial problems are a doorway to your true power.

Her book is based on her own unhealthy relationship with food and her experience teaching others what she learned during her weekend retreats.

Just like my book, Sacred Success, is based on overcoming my own devastating dealings with money and helping others do the same.

Her method of healing women’s relationship with food, similar to mine, mixes a hefty dose of spirituality with emotional transparency and practical actions.

The key to success is not to focus on dieting…or budgeting.

Instead, success comes from combining self-awareness exercises with specific practices to heal the deep-seated wounds that lead to compulsive behaviors, like chronic busyness, over eating, binge spending.

In fact, my favorite quote of all time came from Geneen: “The only people who don’t have insane relationships with money are those who were willing to examine their insane relationship with money.”

Gosh, I wish I’d said that!

Have you thought about what you’re trying to fill up with compulsive behaviors—whether with food or money issues? Leave a comment below.

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The Magical Power of Letting Go

Written by Barbara Huson

A long ago memory came to mind today. I was living in Kansas City, raising two little girls, running a thriving career counseling firm. Business was hopping, but I wasn’t happy. I was longing to live near water and write.

Huh??? I’d never written anything. And there was no water in KC (at least none that I’d want to live near!). Why would I give up a flourishing business, uproot my kids, leave behind a network of friends and reliable babysitters?

That’s when I stumbled on a quote by Carl Jung: “For better to come, good must stand aside.”

I grabbed onto those words as if they were gospel. Was it time for me to give up ‘good’? Was ‘better’ really out there…waiting? It was a risk I was willing to take.

Seven books later and still living on water, I have enormous respect for the power of Letting Go. And the scarier it is to release, the more magical the results.

The moment I decided to give up my business, someone on my staff offered to buy it. Within 6 months I was living on the side of a hill, outside San Francisco, overlooking water.

Then, out of the blue, a national magazine asked me to write a monthly career column. And they paid me!!! I was officially a writer.

Is there something ‘good’ you may need to let go of for ‘better’ to come? Think about it and leave a comment below.

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The Secret “The Secret” Forgot to Tell Us

Written by Barbara Huson

I’m a big fan of The Secret. I just watched the video again the other day.

Thanks to this wildly selling video and subsequent book by Rhona Bryne, the Law of Attraction has gained national attention. And that’s a very good thing…to a point.

The Law of Attraction states that you attract whatever you want into your life through your ability to feel good, think positively, and focus only on the desired outcome. Simply put, if you want to be rich, don’t focus on lack.

But here’s the problem. How many times have you said you really want wealth, believe riches are on the way, refuse to focus on anything but abundance….and still, nothing happens? Your bills go unpaid while your bank balance dwindles.

What The Secret failed to mention is that the Law of Attraction is only part of the equation. There is also The Law of Congruency.

This law states that your declared intention must be congruent with your unconscious decisions. For example, you may say “I want to be rich,” but if you distrust wealthy people, don’t believe you deserve it, or see money as the root of all evil, then wealth isn’t really what you want.

Or as A Course in Miracles explains: “What you ask for you receive. But this refers to prayers of the heart not the words you use in praying.”

This inner discord explains why affirmations or positive thinking, as powerful as they are, don’t always work.

If you don’t have what you want, chances are your spoken goals are in conflict with your authentic desires, and deep down, you don’t actually want what you’re asking for.

The solution—try asking yourself a question: Why don’t I want it? Or put another way: What’s my pay-off for not having it?

What do you say you want in your life but can’t seem to manifest?

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Living with Uncertainty…AAAUGH!

Written by Barbara Huson

Transitions are a bitch. I’m smack in the middle of one right now. Maybe you are too.

I’m reminded of a cartoon. A frog is leaping from one lily pad to another with a look of sheer terror as he realizes he’s about to miss his target. The caption read: ‘Just when you think you’ve made ends meet, someone moves an end’.

That’s exactly how it feels to be in transition—whether it’s a conscious choice (like my partial sabbatical) or an unwelcomed disruption (like a job loss). You’re poised mid-air between the old and the new, wondering —what do I do now?

I remember my first big transition, back in the 80’s, when I moved to San Francisco…a dream come true. But as soon as I settled in, I wanted to jump out of my skin. This wasn’t what I expected.

By chance, I picked up the book Transitions: Making sense of Life’s Changes by Bill Bridges. To say it changed my life is an understatement.

Bridges points out that primitive societies had rituals to give meaning to life’s transitions. Initiates were taken out of their villages, into the wilderness, where they didn’t know what was going to happen next.

“Every time we make a change,” he explains, “We take a metaphorical journey into the wilderness.” But nowadays, no one is there to guide us.

Fortunately, Bridges became my guide, reassuring me that uncertainty is a vital part of the transition process.

This ‘in-between’ period is not a time to commit. It’s a time to contemplate, to feel our feelings, to grieve our losses. Even, like those primitive societies, commune with our spirit guides. We need to unhook from the past before we can create a new future.

Even now, I hear Bridges reminding me: the more you can tolerate, even embrace, uncertainty, the quicker you will get through it.

Eventually, at some point, you’ll feel a fresh burst of energy. Opportunities will appear. Loose ends will come together. Out of the chaos of uncertainty, new beginnings will inevitably emerge.

But until that happens, I have to say: Traversing uncertainty is like taking foul tasting medicine. Just because I know it’s good for me, doesn’t mean I have to like it.

How have you embraced uncertainty in your transitions?

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Living as if You Matter

Written by Barbara Huson

I once saw a poster that made a lasting impression. On it was written: Will it matter that I was?

Those words struck me like lightning bolts. I realized, after 40 years on this planet, I had never felt like I mattered…which explained the seemingly inexplicable angst I’d felt my entire life.

That’s when I made a decision. I vowed to do something ‘important’ so I’d finally feel like I mattered. And off I went.

I wrote a book, then several others. I appeared on national TV. I spoke to large audiences. But no matter how loud the applause, it never drowned out my sense of insignificance.

Until I wrote Sacred Success. Then everything changed. The women I interviewed for the book showed me the way to a more meaningful life.

Rather than focus on their fears and self-doubt (which they all had), they were living their life as if they already mattered…as if they had a God given purpose they were determined to fulfill.

Rather than striving to feel important themselves, they were seeking to make a difference for others.

When I asked one woman what drove her to such stratospheric success, her response echoed what almost everyone told me.

“It’s more than money,” she insisted. “It’s impact. I am motivated by leaving a legacy.”

As soon as I started asking myself: ‘What is the legacy I want to leave?’ I felt my focus radically shift.

I could finally acknowledge that I DO matter. I always have. Not because of something great I’ve accomplished. But because I’m here for a reason—to leave my mark on the world, even if it’s only a tiny footprint in the sand.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: “To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded.”

Have you considered the legacy you want to leave?

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My Career’s a Success. My Finances, a Mess!

Written by Barbara Huson

Years ago, I noticed a puzzling phenomenon. It’s far more prevalent today. I call it the Secret Shame of Successful Women.

Bright, sophisticated professionals, making ample incomes, who have little (if anything) in the bank to show for it.

These women look like the epitome of success—whip smart, business savvy, high earners—yet suffer some degree of financial distress.

They’re either too ashamed to reach out for help (I should be able to do this) or stubbornly resist change when they do (I have no time).

At first it didn’t make sense. You’d think they’d know better, right?

If you can relate, let me reassure you.

First, you’re not alone. Second, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Finally, this has nothing to do with intelligence…or even money.

Financial instability is symptomatic of something far deeper.

The real culprit is all the bottled-up emotions you’ve likely spent a lifetime avoiding.

And what better way to avoid your suppressed pain or trauma (that your inner child still carries) than financial avoidance and the resulting turmoil.

So rather than feel the pain, you create distraction. Unconsciously, of course.

But unless you deal with your repressed emotions, you’ll keep repeating the same dysfunctional behavior. Avoidance, which became your early survival mechanism, has been hard-wired in your brain from continuous repetition.

Years ago, I had a client who, as soon as she paid off a huge debt, was suddenly flooded with scenes of early abuse.

Financial tension had conveniently masked those terrible memories.

I assured her those memories were coming up to be healed and urged her to find a therapist specializing in trauma recovery, which she did right away.

As my former client now admits: facing your pain leads to financial gain. Otherwise your deeply scarred inner child continues running your life, keeping the chaos intact

I’d love to hear from you if you can relate to this blog.

If you enjoyed this Words of Wealth, click here to receive a copy in your inbox every week.

Success

Humility or Self-Sabotage?

A Lesson in ReWIRING

The Inner Work of Wealth

Fear is Good! Really!!!

What do Dollars & Donuts Have in Common?

The Magical Power of Letting Go

The Secret “The Secret” Forgot to Tell Us

Living with Uncertainty…AAAUGH!

Living as if You Matter

My Career’s a Success. My Finances, a Mess!

Meet Barbara Huson

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