Is Money Your Drug of Choice?

Written by Barbara Huson

How often do we use money, like Novocain, to numb the pain in our lives or the pressures at work? Instead of making things better, spending just gets us deeper into trouble.

Yet we justify our shopping sprees with thoughts like, “I’m going through a divorce. I deserve this,” or “I hate my job. At least I can enjoy my life.”

The real problem: we’re not honest with ourselves. Our denial produces considerable debt.

Getting out of denial is a prerequisite for prosperity. Credit card debt is insidious, but not insurmountable.

Making minimum payments can take 30 years or more to pay off (because 75 percent of what you pay goes toward the accumulating interest).

However, I’ve interviewed hundreds of women who have risen from the ashes of their once reckless spending. They did so by taking a series of steps:

They sought help (a book*, counselor, or support group like Debtors Anonymous)
They stopped using credit cards (no exceptions, no excuses)
They lowered their interest payments (negotiating with creditors or transferring the balance to a lowered interest card)
They got crystal clear on their expenses (writing down everything they spent)
They stopped overspending (by putting their expenses into categories, they saw where to Shave and Save)
They followed a plan to pay down their debt (www.nfcc.org can help)

What are you doing to get out of both denial and debt? Share here.

*I highly recommend How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt & Live Prosperously by Jerrod Mundis (based on the principles of DA)

National Women’s (semi)Equality Day

Written by Barbara Huson

Today is National Women’s Equality Day. Exactly 100 years ago the 19th amendment was passed, giving women the right to vote.

Honestly, I know I should be celebrating this victory. But I’m having a hard time getting in the mood.

Hey, don’t get me wrong. I’m beyond grateful to those gutsy, courageous suffragettes.

But in the last few days, I listened to a Ted Talk by one of my favorite actresses, read a WSJ profile of an acclaimed microbiologist and coached a high level executive…all of whom wearily spoke of their struggles with sexism.

Clearly full equality is far from won. The Equal Rights Amendment, proposed in 1923, has yet to be ratified. Face it, we can’t rely on the government to level the playing field for us.

If we want a seat at the table, it’s our job to take it. We can start by becoming the change we want to see in the world.

Are You Really Playing Full Out?

Written by Barbara Huson

In work, as in life, there are only 2 games you can play. One is To Win. The other is Not To Lose.

Which one are you playing? (Be honest, now!)

In order Not to Lose, you must focus on playing it safe. That means looking good, staying comfortable, avoiding anything that could possibly be scary, awkward, embarrassing or (gasp!) lead to failure.

To Win, you must play full out. That means once you start, you just keep going as far as you can with all that you’ve got. And when you fall down, you get back up and keep going.

Problem is, it can be tough to tell which game you’re playing. There are times when I swear I’m giving my all, but later it hits me. I was fooling myself by holding back (even just a tiny bit means I’m playing it safe).

I devised the following list to help assess if you’re really playing to win. 5 Signs I’m Playing Full Out (check what applies to you).

I know what I want and am committed to getting it. (And if I don’t know, I devote time and energy to figuring it out).
I’m so focused on my vision that I don’t get distracted (at least not for long) by irrelevant, draining, or conflicting tasks.
I’m willing to experience whatever it takes—defeat, discomfort, even humiliation—to achieve what I want.
I don’t say ‘yes’ when I really want to say ‘no,’ even if it means upsetting another.
Every time I’m afraid to do something, I force myself to do it anyway. (And I catch myself when I justify not doing it.)

I’d love to know: How many did you check? Is there anything you’d add to this list? Leave me a comment below.

How Do You Know if You’re Financially Independent?

Written by Barbara Huson

In the spirit of the 4th of July we recently celebrated, I have a question for you. Are you financially independent?

I’m curious how many of you responded with a resounding YES! But I’m guessing many of you are either shaking your head ‘no’ or furrowing your brow, wondering if you are.

Let me clarify.

You are Financially Independent if you have enough to meet your needs and satisfy many (not necessarily all) of your wants…free from the stress of overdue bills and struggling to make ends meet.

Financial Independence has nothing to do with how much money you earn, but how much money you keep. You achieve it by spending less than you have and saving more than you need.

But for some of you, spending less and saving more is akin to self-imposed poverty. I’m reminded of an email I once received…

“How can I SAVE money to create wealth (which means cutting back spending) and still have a feeling of ABUNDANCE (which means the desire to SPEND) and not a mentality of LACK?”

In her mind, spending provided the pretense of prosperity while saving felt like self-denial.

To someone with a wealthy mindset, saving means giving the money to yourself (not Visa or Starbucks) so that ultimately you can purchase whatever you please without pressure or worry.

The difference between the two mindsets is not deprivation but delayed gratification.

I remember, as I struggled to clean up my financial mess, my mentor, Karen McCall, saying to me, “It’s ok to have massages, but what if you had one a month instead of every week, and deposit what you would’ve paid into your savings?”

I followed her advice. And because I did, I gave my future self the gift of financial independence.

What could you do to give yourself the gift of financial independence? Leave me a comment.

Financial independence is easier with support. Join my virtual community, The Wealth Connection today! Learn More.

How to Save When You’re Cash Strapped—A True Story

Written by Barbara Huson

Q. I know saving money is important, but what if there’s nothing left over to save?

A. I’ll let Suzanne Ahmed Leonora respond. She answers this question better than I ever could. When I got an email from her last week, I was so inspired, she gave me permission to share it with you.

Pondering Your Purpose

Written by Barbara Huson

Mark Twain once said: “The two most important days in life are the day you were born and the day you discover the reason why.”

I can’t think of a more productive way to use this time in quarantine—even as restrictions begin to lift—to ponder your purpose…to ask yourself: Why am I here on this planet at this time?

There’s immense power in having a clear and focused purpose, especially when you’re navigating turbulent seas.

No matter how frightened you are or how impossible it seems, a strong sense of mission turns ‘I want to’ into ‘I HAVE to.’

Purposes can range from the extremely ambitious (create world peace) to the seemingly trivial (spread joy). And your purpose may change as you change.

If you’re unsure of your purpose, here are 4 places to look.

1. In Past Pain

I’m not sure our life purpose has to come from pain (though mine did), but it’s a good place to start. What has been your most painful challenge in life?

2. In World Problems

Ask yourself: What is the one problem in the world that you yearn to see solved, and would be willing to spend the next 10 years of your life working on, talking about, and being part of the solution for?

3. In Childhood Play

As we look back at the tapestry of our lives, it’s easy to spot certain threads that show up in our youth and continually repeat, displaying an unwavering pattern holding clues to our purpose. What did you love to play as a kid?

4. In Secret Wishes

Once, someone asked me: “If you could have anyone’s job, whose would it be?” That was easy. Neil Diamond’s. I yearned to write my songs and sing them. OK, so I can’t carry a tune. But I’ve managed to write my songs (books) and sing (teach) them. If you could have anyone’s job, whose would it be?

I’d love to hear about your purpose. Leave me a comment below.

Get the support you need. Join my virtual community, The Wealth Connection where women support women! Learn More!

Let Go! A New Future’s Emerging.

Written by Barbara Huson

In one of my books, I tell a story about a mountain climber who falls off a cliff, grabs hold of the ledge, and dangling in midair, desperately cries out, “Lord help me!”

The Lord answers: “I will help you. But first you have to let go of the ledge.”

I believe this is what we’re all being called—or in some cases, forced—to do: let go of the ledges that once kept us safe. And that’s scary as hell.

But I’m beginning to think this may be the whole point. Widespread global fear is triggering our own personal fears, especially ones we’ve long kept buried.

Our tendency is to avoid uncomfortable feelings, stuff them down. But these bottled up emotions must come up to be healed. Or they will forever hold us back, tethered to the past.

A new future is emerging. And we are being asked to take time to reflect and release dysfunctional emotions that are weighing us down.

My daughter, Melissa Siig’s experience mirrors what many of us are feeling. She found herself becoming increasingly irritable and unhappy, struggling to adjust to all the sudden changes. Then one day, she realized, “I had to shed my old skin to make way for the new.” Here’s what she shared on Facebook:

“Last week, I took a shower, went into my closet to get dressed, laid down on my closet floor and stayed there for two hours, curled up in the fetal position in the dark.

“I cried and mourned and let my grief pour out of me for what my family and I and the world had lost. I needed to release my life as it had been for 47 years to make way for acceptance of something new.

“I had to let go. I needed to be reborn. Like the butterfly breaking through its cocoon, I slowly emerged from my dark womb and made my way to my bed. I laid in bed another hour or two. My family worried about me, I worried about me.

“But eventually, having purged my old self, I reemerged, transformed. I wiped the tears from my eyes, went upstairs, poured myself a glass of wine, and played Clue with my family.”

What ledge do you need to let go of, what do you need to shed, to make way for the new? Leave me a comment below.

Losing Sleep Over Sinking Markets? Advice from a Wall Street Expert…and a Veteran of 2 Major Crashes—Me!

Written by Barbara Huson

Last week, the market took the worst dive since 1987. Ahhhhh, yes, 1987. I remember that October day quite well. Black Monday they called it.

I’d been in the market for about a year. I knew nothing about investing, but I trusted my broker. However, when the market went into free-fall, I went into full blown panic.

I called my broker, insisted he sell everything. He begged me not to, insisting the market will go back up…it always does.

I didn’t listen. If I’d stayed put, like he instructed, I’d be a lot richer today.

Yet it was a priceless lesson.Ten years later, in 1997, almost to the day, the market crashed again. Only this time I didn’t see disaster. I saw a sale.

Fast forward to today. I’m not saying you should go on a buying spree. Though it is a sale. But I am imploring you not to sell everything in a panic. Investment decisions, based on emotions, rarely end well.

However, if your nervous system can’t stand the heat, don’t rush out of the kitchen or do anything rash. Take advice from my favorite financial writer, Jason Zweig,

“If you feel you can calm yourself only by ditching some stocks,” he wrote in last Fridays Wall Street Journal, “sell a fixed amount each month for the next year.” By taking small steps, and automating them, you take the emotion out of the decision.

And if you’re going to sell, sell the losers, he advised. “That will turn some of your losses into cash—and a write-off on your taxes.”

Or, instead of selling, “You could direct your dividends into cash, rather than more shares, for now.”

I’d love to hear how you’re reacting to this crazy market? Buying? Selling? Waiting and watching? Or frozen in fear? Leave me a comment below.

The Only (True) Antidote for Fear

Written by Barbara Huson

It’s hard not to freak out these days. Between the rapidly spreading coronavirus and the deeply plunging markets, how’s a girl supposed to stay positive and avoid panicking?

I’ve been asking myself that question a lot. Then I found a way to quiet my anxiety. And I’m excited to share it with you.

It’s called Selective Attention. You focus on what inspires you and stop dwelling on what scares you.

Easier said than done, right? Which is exactly what I thought…until I remembered the Receiving Journals I handed out at my Sacred Success retreats.

Keeping a Receiving Journal serves the same purpose as tracking your spending. But instead of increasing your awareness of money going out, a Receiving Journal forces you to face all the abundance flowing in.

As A Course in Miracles tells us: “Every day a thousand treasures come to me with every passing moment.” The problem, however, we fail to notice those numerous treasures, especially when fear is ever-present.

To fully access the power of a Receiving Journal, you must understand this: everything that happens is a gift for the receiver, whether it feels ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ The challenge, of course, is to find the treasure in what may seem unpleasant. But even the good stuff can be challenging to receive.

For example, I started noticing how often I’d gloss over expressions of praise or appreciation, without fully taking in the words. So I started listing, in my journal, every compliment I got.

And when I had a tiff with my husband, I actually stopped to figure out the gift. I not only discovered a pattern I was repeating that had messed up other relationships, but it led to the most loving discussion. This went in my journal too.

It’s only been a few days, but I feel a big difference. I’m actually happier, more loving. Maybe that’s what a Receiving Journal is all about. Not just expanding our ability to receive, but actually increasing our capacity to love.

After all, says the Course, love is the only antidote for fear. “Any attempt to master fear is useless. The true resolution rests entirely on mastery through love.”

Are you open to receiving or do you resist? Leave me a comment below.

Pruning vs Pushing

Written by Barbara Huson

A little over 10 years ago, in a rush of adrenalin brought on by a surge of ambition, I suddenly shifted into high gear. I hired a team, restructured my website, created a new marketing campaign, purchased complicated new software, and created all sorts of new products. I was driven.

Until my enthusiasm dwindled and I couldn’t understand why. The answer came loud and clear when I helped my daughter, an organic farmer, prune the fruit trees.

“If you don’t prune back most of the new buds,” Anna explained, “too much of the tree’s energy goes into producing foliage instead of growing fruit. You don’t want the trees to spread themselves too thin, reducing the amount of fruit they bear.”

The metaphor was inescapable. I was that fruit tree, spreading myself too thin, letting too many budding projects sap my creativity, my energy, my focus.

Busyness, or the act of spreading oneself too thin, is an occupational hazard for high achievers. It’s basically the absence of discipline. Discipline means doing with discernment, thoughtfully pruning rather than tirelessly pushing.

I wonder if we instinctively recoil from discipline, like a kid ordered to eat veggies. It may be good for us, but damn it, we’re not going to like it and we’ll try anything to get out of it.

Instead we slip straight into our drug of choice. I call it ABTS—“Addicted to Busyness Syndrome.” We stuff every cranny of our lives with so much activity that we’ve lost touch with what’s really essential and what’s truly irrelevant.

But ask us to lighten our load, actually say no to a task, and we start to panic. As if our world would shatter if we slowed down.

Over time, I learned to value Disciplined Action—making prudent, sometimes unpleasant choices, doing what I need to do to, even if it’s not what I want to do. It’s the only thing I’ve found that allows me to successfully do what I love without sacrificing my sanity, or my Soul.

Where are you pushing in your life when you should be pruning? Leave me a comment below.

Success

Is Money Your Drug of Choice?

National Women’s (semi)Equality Day

Are You Really Playing Full Out?

How Do You Know if You’re Financially Independent?

How to Save When You’re Cash Strapped—A True Story

Pondering Your Purpose

Let Go! A New Future’s Emerging.

Losing Sleep Over Sinking Markets? Advice from a Wall Street Expert…and a Veteran of 2 Major Crashes—Me!

The Only (True) Antidote for Fear

Pruning vs Pushing

Meet Barbara Huson

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