The Caterpillar Story

Written by Barbara Huson

Two caterpillars spy a butterfly overhead. One turns to the other and says “You’ll never get me up in one of those things.”

Do you ever feel like that caterpillar? Part of you wants to fly. Another part clearly doesn’t.

That’s precisely what’s going on when you feel stuck–an internal conflict. Part wants to. Part doesn’t.

The trick to getting unstuck isn’t by denying or disputing your resistance. What you ignore, you empower. What you resist, persists.

I speak from experience. After my divorce, I tried hard to learn about money. But nothing worked. I’d pick up a book, attend a class only to fog up, glaze over, give up. Until one day, a therapist challenged me.

“You know Barbara,” he said bluntly, “you really don’t want to get smart about money.”

I couldn’t argue. In that moment, I met the part of me that desperately wanted to stay ignorant. The part that was terrified of angering her parents, losing everything, and most of all, afraid no man would love a financially savvy woman.

I spent months getting to know this part. But I also did something quite smart. I kept repeating affirmations in an effort to fortify the other part. I AM smart about money. I AM excited to learn. I AM a great role model for my kids. I AM attracting a man who loves a powerful woman.

I now realize I was literally rewiring my brain. Instead of dwelling on what scared me, I focused on what I wanted to create, how I wanted to feel…even if it seemed impossible. As neuroscientists tell us, what flows through the mind creates pathways that wires the brain

Slowly the fog lifted. I actually began enjoying the learning process, seeing results, relishing how powerful I felt. Those feelings haven’t changed in over 30 years.

How do you focus on the change you want to create? Leave a comment below.

Do you struggle to understand investing? Men and women view wealth & power through very different lenses. Join me for this FREE call: Women & Wealth: We’re Different than Men & Why that Matters and I’ll help you become a Savvy Investor and begin to build Wealth, as a woman. Register Now!

An Exercise for Rewiring Your Brain

Written by Barbara Huson

Last week, I heard from a client who was close to tears. Her husband’s business unexpectedly went belly up. Suddenly, they had no income. She was forced to get a higher paying job.

“Do you think this crisis has anything to do with my decision to make more money and my lack of action?” she asked.

Obviously, it was a rhetorical question.

I see this pattern all the time. Women who avoid money—making it or managing it—until a crisis hits. Either their world falls apart or feels like it’s about to. That’s when they finally take action.

I did it myself. I waited until a million dollar tax bill almost wiped me out. Not smart!!

How about you? Are you avoiding financial stuff until the pain gets worse than the fear? Are you looking for a way to get moving without having your world violently (or even mildly) shaken?

If so, try this exercise. It’s called Selective Attention,a powerful tool for rewiring your brain. Focus on what inspires you and stop dwelling on what scares you. It’s a fact: What flows through your mind wires your brain…which governs your behavior.

To change what you do, first change what you think.

Instead of obsessing on all the things that can go wrong, try turning your thoughts to what more money will give you. Think about the freedom, the peace of mind, the myriad of choices financial success makes possible. Think about giving your money to causes you feel passionate about,helping your kids, your parents, people you love.

That’s what I finally did. I started thinking about what kind of a role model I wanted to be for my daughters instead of fixating on my terror of screwing up. When I made that deliberate shift, when I forced myself to think about how I would be helping my girls, I had no choice…financial avoidance was no longer an option! I’d love to hear other ideas for getting unstuck. What worked for you? Leave me a comment below.

My gift to you…get my free pdf 12 Tips for Building Wealth During the Holidays. Download Now!

Is It Just Me? Or Are You Angry Too?

Written by Barbara Huson

Excuse me while I vent. My insides are seething with rage and frustration. I write this to make sense of it all.

My fury was fostered during the 2016 election with the alarming rise of blatant misogyny, which despite #MeToo, continues to intensify.

It’s certainly not all men. But reading the news is both infuriating and deeply painful. I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time I witness another woman being belittled, harassed, marginalized or disparaged.

As one who’s devoted my entire career to women’s liberation and empowerment, I feel inexpressibly sad. And deeply disturbed by what I see. Even Lean In author Sheryl Sandberg recently announced that women’s progress has essentially “dragged to a halt.”

And she issued a dire warning, reported in the Wall Street Journal: “We’re at a really critical moment. Women are entering the US workforce in the highest numbers in decades, but gender parity isn’t improving.”

Yes, we’re “liberated.” We’re free to work…or not. But alas (heavy sigh) we have yet to be respected, valued or treated as equals.

If, as Sheryl cautioned, this is a critical moment, what can I, what can we do?

The instant I asked that question, I heard Gandhi’s guidance. What if we, as individuals, intensify our efforts to become the change we want to see in the world?

What if we each focus on strengthening our own sense of self-respect by ceasing to belittle, marginalize, or disparage our self?

What if you and I genuinely valued all that we bring to the table, especially those gifts we take for granted? What if each of us commits to reaching our fullest potential, despite the obstacles and fears?

Is that the solution for transforming our divisive culture into one of mutual respect? I have no idea. But it’s a place to start. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this issue. Leave me a comment below.

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My Personal Story with Plunging Stocks (It’s Not Pretty)

Written by Barbara Huson

The stock market took quite a tumble last week. I instantly flashed back to October, 1986, the first time I invested on my own. My broker would send me all these reports and statements, which I didn’t understand, so naturally, I threw them away.

A year later, October 1987, the market crashed…big time! I freaked out, called my broker, insisted he sell everything. He begged me not to.

“The market will go back up,’ he said, “It always does.”

Of course, I didn’t listen. I wanted my money in cash, where it was ‘safe.’ Sure enough, within days, the market rocketed back up. If I stayed put, I’d be a lot richer now. But I learned my lesson.

Fast forward, 10 years later. October, 1997. My book—Prince Charming Isn’t Coming—had been published. I knew a hell of a lot more about investing. The market crashes again almost to the day.

This time, I’m on the phone, first thing in the morning, calling Schwab. My now 2nd ex-husband was upstairs, pacing the floor. He got very nervous when stocks fell. My teenage daughter comes downstairs, sees me on the phone, asks me what I’m doing.

“I’m buying stock” I tell her.

“But Mom,“ she says, “The market’s crashing.”

“No, Anna” I say. ”It’s a sale!”

I had learned my lesson: Price swings only matters when you sell. Everything else is just ‘noise.’ You know, the sound of the market doing what markets are supposed to do… up, down, up, down, boing, boing, boing.

I finally understood that eventually the market would go back up. I didn’t know when, but I knew it would. It’s called the Rule of the Roller Coaster: You only get hurt when you jump off.

Has recent market action caused you to panic..or add to your portfolio? Leave me a comment below.

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Are You Really Playing Full Out?

Written by Barbara Huson

In work, as in life, there are only 2 games you can play:

The Underearning Game (Not to Lose)
The High Earning Game (To Win)

Which one are you playing? (Be honest, now!)

The goal of the Underearning Game is Not to Lose, which means you must focus on playing it safe, looking good and staying comfortable, avoiding anything that could possibly be scary, awkward, embarrassing or (gasp!) lead to failure.

The goal of the High Earning Game is To Win by going as far as you can with all that you’ve got. And when you fall down, you get back up and keep going. Which means, despite your fear, you keep playing full out.

Problem is, it can be tough to tell which game you’re playing. There are times when I swear I’m giving my all, but later it hits me. I was fooling myself by holding back (even just a tiny bit means I’m playing it safe).

So, I devised the following list to help assess if you’re really playing to win.

5 Signs I’m Playing Full Out (check what applies to you).

I know what I want and am committed to getting it. (And if I don’t know, I devote time and energy to figuring it out).
I’m so focused on my vision that I don’t get distracted (at least not for long) by irrelevant, draining, or conflicting tasks.
I’m willing to experience whatever it takes—defeat, discomfort, even humiliation—to achieve what I want.
I don’t say ‘yes’ when I really want to say ‘no,’ even if it means upsetting another.
Every time I’m afraid to do something, I force myself to do it anyway. (And I catch myself when I justify not doing it.)

I’d love to hear: How many did you check? Is there anything you’d add to this list? Leave a comment below.

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What’s $hame Got To Do With It?

Written by Barbara Huson

It was a conversation with a friend I’ll never forget. Her family was dirt poor. Mine was quite wealthy.

Our childhoods were starkly different, but we shared a startling similarity. Growing up, we both felt a lot of shame around our family’s finances.

I hated being different from my friends. She loathed feeling less than her peers. I never knew if people liked me for me or my rich parents. She always suspected others pitied or looked down on her.

That’s when I realized: Money Shame is ubiquitous regardless of one’s economic status.

Recently, I’ve also realized: Money (or lack of it) is not the source of our shame. Money simply magnifies the shame we’ve always carried.

Shame is the intense pain of feeling so awful, so flawed, so defective that I’m worthless and unlovable.

I’m convinced that unhealed shame is perhaps the major reason smart, capable women struggle financially.

Here’s why. When shame is triggered, the logical thinking part of our brain virtually shuts down.

“It’s like our IQ drops 30 points,” Bret Lyon, founder of the Center for Healing Shame, told me. “We can’t think. We freeze. We feel stupid. We’re at a loss for words.”

Bret noted, during a workshop I attended last week, that because shame is so unbearable, we’ll do anything to avoid feeling it. He described 4 common reactions:

Denial—numbing the pain, often through addictions (compulsive spending, chronic debting, and codependency).
Attacking others—lashing out or blaming another, taking the onus off ourselves
Attacking ourselves—slipping into brutal self-flagellation for being less than perfect.
Withdrawal—isolating from others, going within to lick our wounds,

Each reaction, if left unchecked, can radically erode one’s financial stability. Which confirms my suspicion: the secret to financial security, for many women, lies in transforming toxic shame (self-loathing) into healthy shame (self-compassion).

To demonstrate how to do this, Bret led us through a 2-part exercise.

First, we adopted a shame-based posture: head bent, eyes lowered, shoulders slumped, heart heavy. Honestly, I felt horrible!

Next, we paired up and shared something we were proud of. The difference was astounding!

Recalling a past success quickly shifted my feeling horrible to “Yeah, I’m a flawed human being like everyone else and I have strengths.” That, in a nutshell, is the definition of healthy shame.

Shame and money is a relatively new topic I’m exploring. I’d love to know if you can relate. Leave me a comment below.

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Figuring Out ‘Financialese’

Written by Barbara Huson

Have you ever met with a financial advisor and wished you had a translator? I know I did a few years ago when my sisters and I spent months interviewing various advisors for some family trusts.

Nice people, all of them. But once they got started, they were speaking in a foreign tongue.

I thought I knew this language. After all, I’ve written 6 books about money, including Finding a Financial Advisor You Can Trust.

But these folks, at various points in the discussion, had my head reeling. Then it hit me.

No wonder so many women aren’t getting the financial help they need. One conversation with an advisor and their heads are reeling too. And their first reaction is often to put their reeling heads right back in the sand.

Consider this blog, in part, a Plea to Professionals. C’mon, you people. Speak in plain English. And then check in with clients at frequent intervals to make sure they understand what you are telling them..

Even as I write that I know that the truth is, the onus is on us.

I am a Big Believer in working with professionals…be it for a root canal or retirement plan. And sometimes the latter can be as painful as the former! But it doesn’t need to be.

Not if we’re willing to speak up, ask for clarification, and keep asking until we understand. Which is exactly what I had to do in those meetings. And you know what? Every expert was happy to explain. And I actually learned a lot.

It all boils down to this. If we don’t understand ‘Financialese,’ it doesn’t mean we’re stupid. It’s simply a sign to ask more questions.

The payoff is clarity. But, I’m here to tell you, the real reward is how powerful you’ll feel for standing up for yourself.

Have you ever found your head reeling while talking to a financial professional ? Leave a comment below to tell me what you did.

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The Compulsion to Compare

Written by Barbara Huson

Every time you log into Facebook, you risk falling prey to a debilitating disorder. I call it The Compulsion to Compare—judging yourself against others successes and coming up painfully short.

Lord knows, it happens to me. A lot! To keep from spiraling into self-recrimination, I repeat a rhyme my grandpa taught me long ago:

If every man’s eternal care

Were written on his brow,

How many would our pity share

That hold our envy now?

Those words remind me that virtually everyone struggles with their own ‘internal cares.’

But what distinguishes the Successful is that they don’t let their fear, worry, self-doubt or whatever burdens they bear stop them…at least not for long.

They feel the fear, suffer the distractions but stay the course. And when they fall down, as they always do, they get back up and keep going. The truth is, Greatness can only be achieved by transcending your inner turmoil.

I’d love to know: Have you ever struggled with The Compulsion to Compare?

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Lifting The Financial Fog

Written by Barbara Huson

I spent most of my adult life in a financial fog as opaque as pea soup…and frustrating as hell. If you feel the same, you’re certainly not alone.

Millions of women today are stuck in a financial fog so thick and threatening, they can’t find their way to wealth and well-being. And the consequences can be devastating…on our self-esteem as well as our future security.

The way out of this miasma is not by learning more financial facts, but by first lifting the fog.

This fog is made up of a matrix of issues–suppressed emotions, limiting beliefs, childhood wounds stemming from cultural conditioning, parental messages, unhealed trauma and hidden shame.

When any of these issues are triggered, we feel threatened. Our logical rational brain shuts down, activating our primitive, lizard brain. We instinctively go into fight, flight or freeze mode.

The result: we are unable to absorb practical information, reluctant to enter the market or deferring decisions to another, terrified of making mistakes.

Until we address our internal issues, allowing us to rewire our neuropathways, managing money will remain a struggle for even the best and brightest. I know this from my own experience and my work with thousands of women.

I’d love to hear your experience with lifting the fog by doing the inner work.

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5 Terrific Tips for Investing Wisely

Written by Barbara Huson

I promise. You don’t need a boat load of money to build wealth. What you do need is to: Spend less; Save more; Invest wisely.

The first two are self-explanatory. Investing, however, is where most people trip up, which is not surprising, given that there’s an entire industry dedicated to making investing sound difficult and confusing.

Let me share with you 5 tips that really helped me finally understand investing (with links to learn more).

EDUCATE YOURSELF

There are only 5 places to invest (called asset classes)—stocks, bonds, real estate, cash and commodities. Your first task is to learn the difference between these assets classes. http://bit.ly/lucrepersonalfinance

DON’T KEEP EVERYTHING IN CASH

Cash in the bank, or under the mattress, may feel “safe.” But long term, you’re putting yourself at great risk. To ensure you don’t outlive your money, at least a portion needs to be in assets that grow faster than inflation and taxes take it away. If inflation averages 3% and your money is sitting in an account paying 1%, your buying power will significantly shrink over time. (Why Cash May Not Be as Safe as You Think)

UNDERSTAND THE RULE OF 72

This rule explains how long it will take to double your money—by dividing the interest rate or compound return into 72. Let’s say you own a fund that returns 8% annually. 72 divided by 8 equals 9…so it’ll take 9 years to double your money. Put that same amount in the bank, paying 1% interest, it’ll take 72 years to double. (Rule of 72 Definition & Example | InvestingAnswers)

MINIMIZE MARKET RISK

It’s true, the market, like a roller coaster, feels really risky. But price swings only matter when you sell. To significantly diminish the risk of loss and increase the potential for gain:

Have a longer time frame. Money you need is less than 3 years should be in cash. Everything else should be invested. The Importance Of Time Horizons For Investing (And Beyond)

Be well diversified, spreading your money among different asset classes. https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/investing/diversification

SEEK SUPPORT

The whole point of investing is to make sure your money is adequately allocated to meet your short and long term goals. To figure out the best diversification for you, consult a Fee Only Certified Financial Planner. Start with: www.garrettplanningnetwork.com

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Women & Wealth

The Caterpillar Story

An Exercise for Rewiring Your Brain

Is It Just Me? Or Are You Angry Too?

My Personal Story with Plunging Stocks (It’s Not Pretty)

Are You Really Playing Full Out?

What’s $hame Got To Do With It?

Figuring Out ‘Financialese’

The Compulsion to Compare

Lifting The Financial Fog

5 Terrific Tips for Investing Wisely

Meet Barbara Huson

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