Have you noticed, in gyms, when guys are lifting really heavy weights, they ask someone, often a perfect stranger, to spot them? How many times have you seen a woman tap someone to help them? Hardly ever!
Why? Because we seldom lift very heavy weights; we don’t want to bother anyone; and we’re determined to do it alone.
But financial success requires you to lift heavier weights in order to build up your confidence, strengthen your resolve and climb to greater heights.
After my divorce from the gambling husband, my inheritance was pretty much gone, with the exception of a few properties that gave me a small monthly income. But I did something smart.
When the rent from the properties would arrive, before I spent a cent, I’d put a portion into my savings account. I did it automatically. I filled out a form and the bank took are of the rest.
I didn’t even have to think about. And even though it wasn’t a lot, it’s amazing how my savings grew over time.
Later, as the cash accumulated, I automated my investing, by using a technique known as Dollar Cost Averaging (DCA-click to learn more). DCA takes the emotion out of investing, reduces the risk of losing a lump sum in a down market and reduces costs because you buy less when your investments are expensive, and more when they’re cheaper.
I’ll never forget my first investment on my own. A friend of my father’s was forming a limited partnership. He’d just opened T.J. Cinnamons, a retail outlet that sold sticky buns. And he needed to raise money.
I knew what sticky buns were. I had no idea what a limited partnership was, or the risk I was taking. But hey, this was my dad’s close friend. He was extremely wealthy, very smart, massively successful. So, it had to be a great thing, right?
When T.J. Cinnamons went under, I lost all my money.
Keeping track of your expenses is a powerful tool. It’s perfect for reigning in your expenses and getting rid of debt.
But tracking reveals so much more. You’ll see where you’re spending your time and energy. You’ll discover bad habits and blind spots. You’ll realize where you’re trying to fill a hole in your soul. You’ll quickly see what’s missing in your life, areas of deprivation, like vacations or medical visits or new underwear.
Tracking also has a ripple effect. In an Australian study, where participants wrote down every purchase, not only did their finances improve, but they smoked and drank less, ate less junk food and they were more productive.
It was a moment I’ll never forget. I was on a book tour, giving a yet another speech, when an older woman, leaning on a cane, came up to me afterward.
She was 84 years old and had been married to a very wealthy physician who handled all the finances. But 10 years ago, he died, leaving her no money but a lot of debt. Turns out all his investments were all on margin, using borrowed money.
Before the shock even wore off, she found a financial advisor, started taking classes, and learned about investing.
So, I’m standing in line at the liquor store, holding 2 bottles of a Chardonnay on sale for $3.99. (Who can refuse a bargain like that?)
An elderly woman is paying the clerk. Behind her, in front of me, a scruffy guy with a bottle of Jack Daniels fumbles with the Lottery machine.
“Maybe I’ll win,” he says to no one in particular.
I say, remembering an article I once read, “Did you hear about the couple who won a $20 million lottery and gave it all away because they didn’t want it?” I recall, at the time, thinking: why anyone would do that?
I’ll never forget the day I asked my mother, “Do you know what Dad has planned for you when he dies?” He was seriously ill. She was having a hard time.
“Of course I do,” she replied. But when I pressed her for details, she couldn’t deliver.
But she made it abundantly clear: This was not a conversation she wanted to have. I made it even clearer: Avoidance was not an option. Here’s what we did:
1. We had “The Talk.” I made my Mom sit down with my Dad and we looked at all the financial documents: bank statements, investments, estate planning, etc. This was not, by any means, an easy conversation. Nerves were frayed. My Mom glazed over. My Dad lost patience. I kept scratching my wrist (a nervous habit) until it bled. But by the end, my Mom knew where every penny was and what arrangements he had (and hadn’t) made.
It’s hard not to freak out these days. Between all the political hostility, global wars, and precarious economy, how’s a girl supposed to stay positive and avoid panicking? It’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately.
Then I remembered a helpful antidote to fear that I once assigned participants during a retreat I gave. I asked them to keep a Receiving Journal. I did it too.
Writing in a Receiving Journal serves the same purpose as tracking your spending. But instead of increasing your awareness of money going out, a Receiving Journal forces you to face all the abundance flowing in.
As A Course of Miracles tells us: “Every day a thousand treasures come to me with every passing moment.” The problem, however, is that we fail to notice those frequent treasures, especially when fear is ever-present.
My dearest Money,
Happy Valentines Day to the most perfect lover I could ever imagine. You have served, supported and protected me so beautifully as I’ve grown older. And for that, I owe you my deepest gratitude.
But I admit it wasn’t always that way. Consider this my long overdue apology.
I know I haven’t made it easy for us to be together. For years, I neglected you. You seemed so confusing and frightening. Sure, I tried to get to know you, but I always got scared and gave up.
When you finally left, it was a devastating blow. Yet it was also a gift.
During our separation, I realized how much I wanted you to love and take care of me. But I also realized, for that to happen, I had to love and take care of you too.
There’s a lot of talk these days about money mindset. But few are aware of the brain’s role in their financial success.
In a recent experiment, at the University of South Wales, students were told: “Whatever you do, don’t think about a red apple.” As you’d expect, most couldn’t get that image out of their mind. Which is quite normal.
But what about those who swore they’d successfully eradicated the image from their mind?
Well, according to brain scans, “even those people who are good at suppressing certain thoughts still harbor traces of the thought in [their brain’s] cortex.”
